The Intentional Pause
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“Almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes…including you.” Twenty-three years ago, I was living my life in a way that may sound familiar to many of you. I was married, had two young daughters, worked full-time, and was studying for my master’s degree at night. I am not sure when it began but at some point, the belief that I could not take a break or slow down began to run my life. I called it “running in 5th gear.” I guess when I think about it, I was trying to live up to some standard of being the “perfect” whatever (Mom, employee, wife, student, etc.) and it was with that belief that the non-stop hustle began. I felt guilty when I slowed down, took a break, and even went to the bathroom. I remember crying one time to my then husband that I wished I could be like the other Mom’s who on the weekend spent time laying by the pool with their kids. This belief and the behaviors that followed it ultimately led to a 5-day stay in the hospital that knocked me on my butt for 5 months and almost took my life at 33 years old. One of the common phrases I repeat to most of my clients is that if we do not learn how to slow down, the universe does it for us. When the powers beyond us take control, we usually get hit physically because that is the only way we usually slow down or stop. The challenge lies in the beliefs we carry. Have you ever asked yourself, “So what if I slow down? What do I think will happen?” For me, slowing down meant weakness, that I wasn’t perfect, that others would judge me…and ultimately that I wasn’t strong enough to do what was expected of me. For 5-months after my illness, I intentionally took a break. And I don’t mean just from work…I mean from everything. I was obviously still a mom and a wife, but I began looking at my responsibilities differently. I realized I never put myself in the equation of my life. Every decision I made was based on what others wanted or what was best for them…not for me. I began putting myself in the equation of my life and making decisions that were in alignment with taking care of myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. This was not selfish, this was self-care. I realized that I could not be there for those I loved if I was not well myself. It was during this intentional pause in my life that I decided to start my business. When we intentionally slow down, things get quiet. We can begin to hear the voice in the back of our mind that has been nudging us to start that business, eat better, go for a walk, or improve that relationship. It is this same quiet that terrifies most women which is why they do not slow down. Staying busy is the best excuse for not doing what we know we need to do. Not only did the quiet nudge me to start my business but it also gently allowed me to look at other areas of my life I needed to improve. Many famous women have used the power of taking a break to re-ignite their lives. Sheryl Sandberg of Facebook took time after the sudden death of her husband to grieve and reflect on her life. She came back to Facebook with the inspiration to write Option B. J.K. Rowling, who created Harry Potter, stepped away from traditional work after becoming a single mother and struggling with depression and is now one of the world’s most famous authors. Change can be scary and the quiet in a pause is sometimes even scarier. Here is what I will tell you is true…slowing down is where the power lies. It is in the pause where you will find the deep breath you haven’t been able to take, the idea that you have been searching for, and the solution to that problem that has seemed to evade you. It is in the pause that you will find that part of yourself that has been hiding. Give yourself permission to pause! Dr. Chris Sopa |
