Are You a Worrywart?
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“The primary cause of unhappiness (and worry) is never the situation but your thoughts about it.” I bought a house in September of 2023. Although I bought a house in the past when I was married (eons ago!), this was the first time I journeyed through the entire process of purchasing a house alone. There are many adjectives that come to mind when I think back on the process! Home ownership in and of itself is an amazing accomplishment, but with it comes worry. Will I continue to be able to afford my monthly mortgage payment? Will I be able to take care of the house on my own? What if something breaks in the house and I don’t know what to do to fix it? So many thoughts flood one’s mind! Worrying is an individual endeavor. What I worry about may not be what you worry about. We all are triggered by different things. Jill Goldstein, professor of psychiatry and medicine at Harvard Medical School, says that worry and stress not only affect memory and other brain functions, but also promotes inflammation, which can lead to many other physical ailments. In other words, worrying not only affects you mentally, but can affect your physical body as well. As an organizational psychologist, I can tell you that many of my daily interactions with executive coaching clients involve talking them down from something they are worrying about. Worry can take the form of overthinking, anxiety, and even lead to depression. When we obsess about a thought, there are times when we feel as if there is no solution. We all have that “one thing” that usually throws us over the edge into worry. That is probably why so many scholars in the past have quotes about worry. Winston Churchill said, “Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind that, if encouraged, cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.” Marcus Aurelius reminds us to, “Forget everything else. Keep hold of this alone and remember it: Each one of us lives only now, this brief instant. The rest has been lived already or is impossible to see.” The Greek philosopher Epictetus states, “Man is not worried by real problems so much as by his imagined anxieties about real problems.” I do not know one instance where worrying about something actually solved the problem. What solves worrying is action and changing your mindset. If you are a worrier by nature or even an occasional worrier, try one of the below suggestions next time you catch yourself caught up in your head: · Focus on what you can control in the situation. We spend 80% of our energy worrying about things that are out of our control (what other people think, the weather, what someone will say or do, etc.). Instead, make a list of things you can control in the situation. Examples may be your mindset, your attitude, what you allow yourself to think, some small action you can take, etc. Action not only distracts your mind but is a great antidote to worrying. · Know thyself. Take some time to really pay attention to your habits and behaviors. Know what triggers you into worrying. Know how you usually respond to worry. Sometimes we end up in the actions of worry before we even realize we are mentally worrying. Make a list of things you can do as an energy release and to distract your mind. Go for a walk, work out, talk to a friend, etc. I personally have a bag of stress balls I often chuck at the wall to let out stress and worry (as I yell explicatives!). Know what works for you that will help you get your mind off what you are worrying about. · Breathe. I know everyone says to do this but that is because it works. Practice taking a breath in and count to 4 and then take a breath out while you count to 4. Do this 3 times. Our breath brings us back to our center and back to the present moment. The oxygen gives your brain the fuel it needs to reset and calm down a bit as well. · Do what a CIA agent does. When a CIA agent gets ready to storm a building, they have a very simple technique that calms them down in the moment. Place both feet flat on the floor, take a deep breath and try to slow down your breathing. Then simply draw your attention (not your vision, just your attention – in other words, think about it) to the inside of your feet. Keep drawing your attention here until you feel a sense of calm. I am not sure why this technique works but I believe it grounds you in the moment and shifts your attention away from what you are worrying about. · Your body goes where your attention flows. Speaking of attention, remember that your brain does not know the difference between what is real and what is not real. It only knows what you pay attention to with your thoughts. Your brain makes the assumption that what you are giving your attention to is what is real in that moment. This is why we can initiate a physical response in our body by thinking of a past situation. By paying attention to it and giving it thought, our brain thinks the situation is happening again. Be mindful of where you place your attention. Use one of the above techniques to distract your brain and body if you have a hard time shifting your attention away from what you are worrying about. · Aim to feel the next best feeling. It is not realistic to think that you can jump from worrying about something to complete bliss and joy. But it is realistic to try and move to the next best feeling. Feeling disappointed, frustrated, or overwhelmed is better vibrationally than feeling worried. I always try and aim for contentment. Do what you need to do to shift how you feel in the moment. · What is the worst-case scenario. One technique that works well for me sounds counter intuitive when you first hear it, but think about the worst case scenario. When I find myself overthinking or worrying about something, I think about the absolute worst thing that can happen. Then, I grab a piece of paper and a pen and brainstorm how I would get out of that worst case scenario. What are my options? Who could I call? What could I do? Believe it or not, when you convince yourself you can handle the worst-case scenario, the worry becomes much less. Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself grace. The world today is not an easy one to live in and it moves at a very fast pace. Never forget that YOU are in control of the space you keep, energetically and mentally. There are resources for you and people you can lean on. Most importantly, trust yourself that you will be OK. Working on worry, Dr. Chris chris@chrissopa.com |
