“Just in case you ever feel its absence…know happiness always returns.”

In my new book, Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live, I talk about the path to finding joy in your life. The Ancient Egyptians believed that when we die and are at the gates of heaven, we are asked two questions:

Have you found joy in your life?
Has your life brought joy to others?

I am a firm advocate in the belief that you cannot give what you do not have. If you are not happy (joyful) how can you possibly bring joy to others? If the gas tank on your car is empty, your car cannot take you anywhere, right? The same is true for you. If you are “empty,” you have nothing to give. So how do you “fill your tank?”

Stephen Covey has a great list of “12 things happy people do differently” that has been circulating on Facebook recently. I thought I would share it with you today as a reminder of some action steps you can take to be in a state of joy. (I embellished these a little with my own thoughts.)

1. Express gratitude – be thankful for what you have in your life instead of always focusing on what you do not have.
2. Cultivate optimism – your perception is your reality. Think optimistically and your world will follow.
3. Avoid comparing yourself to others – when you compare yourself to others, the nature of the human mind is that you will always be sure to come up short. The only person who you should be comparing yourself to is yourself in the past. Are you moving forward?
4. Practice random acts of kindness – help someone anonymously today.
5. Nurture social relationships – the nature of your relationships with others tells you a lot about the relationship you currently have with yourself. Our relationships are the things that matter most to us in the end. Make them worth it.
6. Develop strategies for coping – know what you need to do to stay centered. What are those things you do that make you feel better when your external world is in chaos?
7. Learn to forgive – open your heart and forgive others and yourself. Forgiveness is admitting that we are all alike in some way, shape and form.
8. Increase flow experiences – in other words, know your strengths. Do those things that “flow” and come easiest to you.
9. Savor life’s joys – stay in the present moment. Life is about the journey, not the end point.
10. Commit to your intentions – know what you want and commit to getting it. Direct your life in the direction YOU want instead of your life and external circumstances directing you.
11. Practice spirituality – recognize that life is bigger than you are and that there is a higher plan. Get in touch with your higher self and the potential that is deep inside. You know your gifts…practice them!
12. Take care of your body – your body houses the soul. It is your temple. Care for it, honor it and respect it.

Your happiness is your responsibility…no one else’s.

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” ~Aristotle

Smiling,
Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

“Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live:  How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” by Chris Sopa published by Balboa Press.

Click here to purchase your copy.

“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.  I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me.  I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning

In order to do some “research,” I thought it may be fun to find out what men and women think we each should know about each other in order to have fulfilling and fun relationships.

Here is the first list for all of you men out there.  It is as true as I could make it based on conversations and experiences I have had myself and those of friends and colleagues.  It is all meant to be positive and for moving relationships forward (and I decided to have a little fun with it as well!).  Our goal is to have long-lasting and fulfilling relationships and once and for all get rid of the BS!

1. Hold the door for us – even independent women like that.
2. We are smart.  Let us know you know that by how you talk to us.
3. If you smell like the Abercrombie store, no matter what you look like, we will look twice.
4. We like to cuddle – and not just after sex.
5. If you cry while you watch “The Notebook” we will melt in your arms.
6. Scratchy lace, strings that go up our butt and bras that squish our boobs, although may be attractive to you, do not make us feel sexy.
7. We like to hear the sweet sound of our name.
8. Shave your back, or for more points, wax it.
9. Spitting, burping and farting in front of us is not a turn on.
10. Hold our hand like you mean it – we like that.
11. Don’t assume we know you love us.  Tell us AND show us.
12. We love to be pleasantly surprised.
13. Fresh flowers earn you sex points.
14. Contrary to popular belief, we like sex.  Especially when it involves a mutually orgasmic encounter.
15. If you start a sentence with “Dude,” we may be confused and not respond.
16. Pretending you are Mario Andretti when you drive, leaves us feeling a little nauseous and not in the mood for sex.
17. When you honk your horn and yell out your car window at us, think about how you would feel if someone did that to your mother or sister.
18. “Size doesn’t matter” is a myth. (A big heart goes a long way!)
19. Grabbing one of our breasts when we are upset does not make it all ok.  It puts one of your most precious body parts in danger!
20. We want and like to be woo-ed and romanced. (If you are not sure how to do this, see my next book coming out soon or the book below!)
21. Foreplay is not out rated.  Kissing, nuzzling and soft loving words will lead us to the bedroom more often than not.
22. Sex after marriage is still a reality if you treat us like you did when we were dating and give us time to miss you in between.
23. How you treat and talk about your Mom and ex’s is a clue to us as to how you may treat us in the future.
24. We like to be called by our first name, not our last.
25. We love to see you smile.  Don’t hold back!
26. We like to be kissed (and please no tongue on the first date!)
27. We cannot read your mind and we know you cannot read ours – most of us are not Sylvia Browne – the more you tell us about what you are thinking and feeling, the more we know what you need.
28. We don’t want you to fix our problem; we just want to be listened to.
29. Seeing our man do the dishes is sexy (especially if you are wearing only an apron!)
30. A text response of “Ok” or “Thanks” to a serious statement is not a response.
31. If you are nervous on a date, the best thing to do is take a breath and ask us a question.
32. Getting drunk or high is a turn off.
33. We are all looking for the fairy tale ending (“Cinderella,” “Officer and a Gentleman” and the end of “Sixteen Candles” are my personal favorites!).
34. Take care of yourself physically.  The only odor we should smell is that of flowers (see #13) or something like cologne (see #3).
35. We like to see bumps – muscle bumps not sugar lumps!
36. We all have some issues with anger.  If you really want to keep us around, “Anger Management 101″ is recommended.
37. We like to have intelligent conversations.
38. Make us laugh when we are upset and you will have our heart.
39. Most women are looking for a “soul mate,” not a “sex mate.”  If you know we are not the one for you, let us know and move on nicely.
40. We love it when you are nice to our kids and treat them like you would your own.
41. Have a hobby and interests beyond us.  It’s ok to go out with the guys.
42. Be sweet to us and treat us like a princess.
43. Patience is a virtue.
44. Find something to compliment us on every day (we love it when you notice the small details -new haircut, earrings, etc.)
45. Pay attention – when you are with us, be with us.  Step away from the remote and mouse!
46. Care about how you look even when we are just watching a movie (Exception: Old t-shirts and wife beaters are ok when you are painting or doing a manly task ONLY!)
47. For God sakes, pick up a towel and wipe down the bathroom sink just once! (Lol!)
48. According to the Dali Lama (who I know is a man); kindness is the number one attribute people are searching for in a relationship.  So true!
49. We will love you with all of our hearts because that is just who we are.  All of the little things make the biggest difference – a soft caress, an expected gift, a touch of your hand, a kind word.  Never stop trying to court us.
50. Men lead with their bodies and women lead with their hearts.  The key to good sex is connecting with the heart and not so much with other things (although connecting those things aren’t bad either!)

Men, you now have an assignment.  After you read this, I need to come up with a list for the women to read.  Send your comments and suggestions for the list to chris@chrissopa.com with “list” in the subject line or comment to this blog.  Send them to me by Wednesday, August 8^th by 5:00pm EST and I will post them in my blog on Thursday, August 9^th as well as include them in my up-coming book on relationships.

_______________________________________________________________

Recommended reading:

“If the Buddha Dated,” by Charlotte Kasl

_______________________________________________________________

 ”I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone & still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable & safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room & smile at you.”   

Honoring and loving all of the men of my past, present and future,

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

“When a thought hurts, that is the signal that it isn’t true.” ~Byron Katie

Relationships have not always been my strong suite.  Relationships with men, that is.  Every other area of my life is amazing; my girls refer to me as “their best friend,” I have a career I absolutely love that takes me all over the world, I get the privilege in this lifetime to be a part of changing people’s lives for the good, I have plenty of money to meet my needs … I could go on and on.  Did all of this come easy to me?  No.  It took hard work and the willingness to take many risks, not knowing how each risk would turn out.

As I have learned over the years, the Universe has a funny way of putting right in your face the exact situations you need.  Whatever you need is always exactly what you get.  It’s true.  So, what did I get in regards to “relationships?”  The offer to be one of the authors in a book that will be out January of 2013 titled, “Breaking Free:  Overcoming Self-Sabotage,” published by an internationally renowned women’s network.  What did they ask me to write about?  You guessed it … relationships!

We teach what we most need to learn, so I took on the challenge.  For this entire week, I decided that I would focus on writing about different aspects of relationships.  We all have them.  We all have been hurt by them.  We all cherish them.  We all want them, whether we want to admit it or not.  The main advantage to being human is our capacity to love and be loved.  Will you allow love, is the question?  Why wouldn’t you allow it?   Not allowing yourself to forgive.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. It is something we know we must do to finally let go so we can move on; yet, we hold on to hurt and blame because it somehow gives us a satisfaction we cannot explain.  We scream to our selves inside, “I don’t wanna!” like a child because for some reason we like to sit in the pain of reliving a painful circumstance and holding onto anger over and over again.  The joys of being human!

Remember that how we treat others is merely a reflection of how we treat ourselves. If you have a hard time letting go of mistakes you have made, more than likely you have a hard time letting go of mistakes others have made as well. The only way to really find peace is to let the past be the past. Keep it where it belongs.

In regards to forgiving others, Louise Hay, I think, states it the best:

“We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to past grievances. We give the situations and the people in our past power over us, and the same situations and people keep us mentally enslaved. They continue to control us when we stay stuck in “unforgiveness.” This is why forgiveness work is so important. Forgiveness – letting go of the ones who hurt us – is letting go of our identity as the one who was hurt. It allows us to be set free from the needless cycle of pain, anger, and recrimination that keep us imprisoned in our own suffering. What we forgive is not the act, but the actors – we are forgiving their suffering, confusion, unskillfullness, desperation and their humanity. As we get the feelings out and let them go, we can then move on. Remember that all of the events that take place in our lives and all of the individuals we encounter teach us valuable lessons.”

Forgiveness is a soul choice and centers in your heart. It is not a logical, mental process.  It has nothing to do with whether or not you choose to have that person stay in your life or not. You can forgive someone and choose to not have them in your life anymore or choose to have them stay … it is up to you.  Every choice you make must be for your own peace.  Never sacrifice your inner peace for someone else.  Forgiveness is an act of self-love and healing.  The reason for forgiving someone is not so much because you feel they deserve to be forgiven, but because you love yourself enough to not want to suffer anymore when you think about the person or the event. We learn to suffer just to punish whoever abused us and, in the end, we are the only ones who are hurt.

Never forget that each of us is on our own journey. We choose to play roles for each other to give each other an opportunity to learn the life lessons we came here to learn. Thank the people who have hurt you for playing their roles so well. If it wasn’t for those who have hurt us the most, we would not be the people we are today.

Start with forgiving yourself for anything you feel you have or haven’t done in the past in regards to relationships.  Do what I do.  Look in the mirror and kiss your own hand and say over and over again, “Its ok.  No worries.  You are so wonderful!”  Ok, so maybe that only works for me, but regardless, give yourself a break today.  Stop waiting for the other person to forgive you.  There is nothing outside of you that can give you what you are looking for.  The answers and peace you seek are one place and one place only … inside of YOU!

“Once we have forgiven ourselves for something, it is easier to forgive others for the same mistake.”   ~Marianne Williamson

I wanna, I wanna!

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.