All of your experiences, every one, bring to the surface the deepest wounds that need to be healed.
Did you ever notice that you seem to experience the same things over and over again? You may be in a different place and with different people, but the situation is the same. Whether it is how you are treated in a relationship, how much money you make or maybe your career choice, you always seem to have the feeling that this has happened to you before. These situations are usually followed by the question, “Why does this keep happening to me?”
Our life experiences are the very things for which we came here …especially the painful ones. Pain is the signal for us to pay attention. The more pain, the more important the lesson. With each experience you have you are given the chance to learn the lesson that is within the experience. As humans, we were given the ability to choose. At any time you can choose to extract the lesson, leave the experience behind and move on or run from the pain and chose to hide from the lesson. Each time we hide, it is guaranteed the lesson will return, each time bringing more pain to your awareness. This is why we experience the same things over and over again in different forms. They are our lessons disguised.
So what is the secret to moving through an experience and learning the lesson? Pause. Each time you find yourself in a familiar situation, pause and ask yourself, “How am I going to handle this situation this time?” Self-awareness is key. Watch yourself. Notice what you do, what you say, who you chose as friends and mates. Nothing changes if nothing changes. Self-awareness is hard work. Changing is sometimes painful. We find ourselves having to release people from our lives that may have been there for a long time; changing the thoughts that we allow to run through our minds and most importantly, changing the way we behave.
Nothing you have done in your life is wrong. Every choice has lead you to become the person you are today. Every person you have met, especially the ones who have caused you the most pain, are your greatest teachers. These teachers are the ones who bring the hurts that need to be healed to the surface so we can see them and choose to change.
Be willing, be open and most importantly pause. Don’t just look at your life, look into your life. Watch and take note of your patterns. Patterns that need to be changed are usually followed by a negative emotion. Negative emotions are our clue that we are out of alignment. We have a divine birthright to experience joy. But joy comes with a price and hard work. We must brush off the old debris that holds us back from our authentic selves and step into who we came here to be.
Don’t be afraid. Everything is just as it is supposed to be. Just breathe, pray and pause.
Praying for you,
For your FREE copy of Chris Sopa’s 7 Steps to Changing Any Behavior click on the photo below.
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc.Are You A Master?
Things happen to us in our lives. People hurt us, we are disappointed, things don’t go as we expected. This was not the life we signed up for…or is it?
I believe that we signed up for exactly the life we are living. I know what you are thinking…”Sopa, have you gone mad! Why would I sign up for this?” If you are experiencing suffering, sorrow or pain at the moment, ask yourself this question: Who would I be if this experience never happened to me? Would you have the same people in your life? Would you have taken the steps you did for growth without that experience?
Yes, things happen in our lives that hurt. But nothing that has happened to you has been meant to break you or reduce you to something less than who you are. Whatever has happened to you has happened to make you into who you are!
Do not allow experiences or people to take away your power. You may have physically mastered this life but being able to hold on to your power means that you have mentally, emotionally and spiritually mastered your life. Have you?
Being a Master entails being self-aware at all times. Not being afraid to ask questions such as, What is really going on here? What is the Universe (God) trying to show me? What is the lesson underneath all of this? No matter how painful the experience is at this time. Sometimes what we see is not so pretty. When something has been hiding in the dark for a time, it tends to be pretty rancid and smelly. Maybe it’s time for a shower? A shower not of water but of compassion, understanding and love…love for yourself. Understanding that you did the best you could in each moment of your life based on where and who you were at that time. Have compassion for yourself instead of being so hard on yourself day in and day out. We fear crucifixion by others but the one we should truly fear is ourselves. We are the ones that create our own hell or heaven. We create our reality daily by where we choose to put our attention. Where is your attention today? Is it on what you have lost or is it on what you are grateful for that is still in your life? Are you breathing today? That is one huge reason to be grateful. Put your head and reason aside and learn to use your heart and what I like to call, your “hidden senses.”
“Reason knows when to step aside, the way the sense of smell is uninvolved when reading a book…like a telescope that cannot take us to the stars but that lets us know the stars are there. Reason points us to what lies beyond itself.“ ~L. Pascal
There is something beyond what we see and what we currently think of as “real.” Our five senses do not give us the whole picture…only a portion of it. You cannot see electricity but you know it exists because you use it every day. Just because you can no longer see and physically feel a loved one, why do you assume they are no longer there? Practice using your senses of intuition and feeling. Trust them. Those senses are more “real” than the ones in your physical world. No one can change them, alter them or hurt them. They exist in your heart and you are the one that gets to determine how “real” what you experience really is. No one else.
Be your own Master and create the world you want to experience.
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.
“Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” by Chris Sopa published by Balboa Press.
“You do not need to leave your room. Remain sitting at your table and listen. Do not even listen, simply wait, be quiet still and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked, it has no choice, it will roll in ecstasy at your feet.” ~Frank Kafka
Being a “newbie” to the Scottsdale, AZ area, I decided recently to use Meetup.com as a way to meet new people in the area. I have been kayaking, hiking, business networking…you name it. But one meeting I attended this past week stuck out for me. Being the spiritual person that I am and always interested in meeting people of this circle, I decided to attend a spirituality meditation meet up. The meet up was scheduled from 7-10pm and the first thing I thought was, “Wow! That is a long-a@* time to meditate!” Having always felt I rocked in meditating, I took on the challenge.
The meet up group met at an amazing bookstore in Scottsdale called Vision Quest which was full of anything us spiritual gurus would want to buy to help us “ascend.” I was guided into a back room where the chairs where arranged in a circle with 4 lit candles on a table in the middle of the circle. I was greeted by a large African American man who may have frightened me due to his size at first, until he smiled. His smile turned him from a giant into an angel. I found myself a chair and plopped down, ready to meditate my little tush off.
Once the meditation began, the instructor explained how throughout the meditation he would call in different angels and guides from the 12th dimension (stick with me here). As soft music played in the background, I fell into my meditative trance, meeting the energies of Archangel Michael first. I am very familiar with him because he and I…well, let’s just say we are “buds.” As the meditation continued, I found myself antsy and then becoming frightened. I always teach my clients to be “an observer” of their life and behaviors, so I took my own advice and observed myself. Why was I frightened?
Here is what I found…silence is a healer, but in order to heal it, you have to feel it. When we allow ourselves to slip into silence, even if only for a few minutes, we allow the healing to begin. In order to heal, we must first know what we are healing. Let me use an analogy. Say you want to clean out your closet. In order to do so, you must take out each piece of clothing, look at it and decide if you want to keep it or send it to “Goodwill heaven.” You cannot get rid of it until you look at it and see what it is and then make a decision. Do you want to keep that old, dirty polka-dotted dress from the 70’s or trash it? Does it serve you anymore?
Now let’s return to your healing. Those old wounds, hurts, anger and grief…are having those feelings serving you? Do you need to give them to “God’s will heaven?” In order for God to take them, you have to make the choice to give them to him. He gave you free will, remember? That allows you the choice to do what you want with your life. That includes holding onto things that are hurting you.
It is never easy to face pain. The tough decisions we need to make in order to heal…let’s face it…suck! But at some point you have to realize that one day, like it or not, they will have to be faced. Why not do it now? Why not finally realize that you have the right to life! You have the right to a life without pain, suffering and sorrow. Suffering is not and never was God’s plan for you…you chose to feel those things; God did not put that upon you.
Go into silence, even if it is only for 5 minutes a day. Just listen to your breathing and every time a thought comes in re-focus on your breath. Ideally, you want to get to 20 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes in the evening of meditative silence. You will be amazed at how you miraculously heal. The road may feel rough at first but the ride is worth it. ðŸ˜‰
“The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.”
~Henry David Thoureau
Helping love make its stand on Mother Earth,
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.The Purpose of Pain
“Until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, you will stay the same.”
The pain was unbearable. It didn’t seem to matter which way I moved to try to get some relief, it persisted and was gut wrenching. I had it for going on 5 days and no one knew what was wrong with me. Lower left abdomen pain that sent a burning sensation down my left leg could not be diagnosed with any of the fancy equipment hospitals have at their disposal. A laparoscopy from my GYN was the only answer. “I have to get in there and see what is going on” was all she said. A burst ovarian cyst and a bad ovary was the presumed diagnosis so she was ready to remove my ovary if needed. But my body had a different plan. Once the scope found the source of the pain it was as if my body had played a cruel joke on everyone. Situs inversus, a congenital condition in which the major visceral organs are reversed, was the culprit, placing my appendix on the left side of my body. An already septic and leaking appendix was removed and my pain was gone.
My appendix was the first thing that popped into my mind when I first started having pain, but my brain talked me out of that answer. Your appendix is on the right side of your body, not the left so why would it be my appendix? Things aren’t always what they seem.
Physical pain has a purpose. It points us to a part of our body that needs healing. The pain tells us that it needs attention. Something needs to be changed to bring our body back into balance. Emotional pain has the same purpose. The pain we feel, which can come in the form of resistance, defensiveness, anger, sadness, etc., points to a place that needs our attention; that needs healing. Sometimes the place in which the pain points is the only the door that leads you to where the real pain finds its true home.
Yesterday’s blog on what men should know about women brought up pain for some people. Although written in tongue and cheek on purpose, it may have brought up some emotions. Where did you get angry, defensive or upset? Which one brought up “pain” in you? Agreeing with the list was not the purpose. We all have a different “list” and want different things based on our experiences. The purpose was to get you thinking about your list. What do you want in a mate? What pain do you have around relationships that may still need some healing so you can have a beautiful relationship with someone?
Everything that happens in your life happens for a reason: every person you meet, every painful event, every happy event, everything! Everything you experience is a chance for you to get closer to God—a chance to learn something new about yourself and how you function in the world around you. Learn to see pain as a blessing – a red flag showing you where you need to change or release something you no longer need in your life. Engage the lessons life is trying to teach you. Look at your life … where is the pain and what is it asking you to look at or change?
The most beautiful part of pain is that when you learn your lesson, the pain goes away. The worst part is that if you choose not to learn the lesson when the pain arrives, it will come back. And because you did not listen or may not have been ready the first time, the pain increases each go around … and keeps increasing until you finally learn the lesson. How else can your attention be grabbed if not through pain? Think about the greatest lessons you have learned in your life so far—the ones that have stuck with you and changed you forever. I’m willing to bet you suffered some kind of pain to learn that lesson so hard.
The best way to deal with pain is when it comes up to let it come up, terror and all. Take a breath, close your eyes and allow yourself to feel what is coming up with no judgments. You are safe. Nothing can hurt you. Your mind plays tricks on you because your lower self does not want you to evolve. It wants you to stay small. Your higher self knows better. It is the one calling the pain up to be released so you can be free. Talk to a trusted friend, do something that makes you feel good, and let it go.
Surrender to what is. Be where you are in mind, body and spirit and say yes to life—pain and all! Then, life will work for you and not against you. It is always much easier to go with the flow of energy than against it. Remember, no matter how bad life seems today, we always get a second chance tomorrow.
“Sometimes it is that which shatters us that liberates us.” ~ Marianne Williamson
Peeling back the layers of pain,
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.What If You Could Have a “Do Over?”
Life is like a racetrack. It’s the curves that make it worthwhile.
~Regina Brett, God Never Blinks
I recently sat down and took an inventory of my life. I figured I’m going to have a birthday in a couple of weeks, why not have a “check point,” kind of like the race car drivers do. I thought about all of the things I have done, all of the people I have met and all of my accomplishments up until now. I can truly say if age 42 was my last year here on Earth, I did a pretty good job of squeezing as much life out of my time here as possible.
There is one area though where I feel I haven’t gotten all A’s; my romantic life. From the very beginning, I have felt as if my radar was broken. It’s not that I haven’t had some nice guys in my past (my ex husband is actually one of the best - he is truly a gem and I divorced him – see what I mean, broken radar!) but the majority of them have caused me a tremendous amount of pain. I believe that what we focus on is what we create. If this is the case, constantly focusing on my “broken radar” is just going to attract me more of the same. So, I decided to give myself a “do-over.” I decided to re-write my story. The only reality I can cling to in regards to any of my past relationships is my perception of them and as you know, our perception is our reality. I chose to change my perception, hence change my reality.
I sat down, pen and paper in hand, and wrote down the name of every man I ever dated from high school until now; one night stands and all. (close your mouth!) I also wrote down any man that has been in my life whom I felt has had an impact on me in some way, my Dad, any uncles, etc. I then wrote down next to each persons name every lesson I felt I had learned from my experience with him. My lessons ranged from realizing I want a man to be loyal to me and ONLY me all the way to understanding once and for all that I am ME and someone either likes me for me unconditionally or they can take a hike! If they are intimidated by my success, hit the road! The interesting part was the men who caused me the most pain were the ones I learned the most from. Those who cause us the most pain are inevitably our greatest teachers.
I now know that there is purpose and meaning behind every event. There is a Divine reason for every choice you make, whether it is to be with someone or to leave. We never know the reason at the time, but I have learned to never surrender until I know why I began the journey in the first place. I look for the lesson in everything. If we don’t, it will come back around at some point, stakes higher each time, until we learn it. Learn to look at life not so literally but more symbolically; from what I like to call the 10,000 foot view. From the nosebleed seats you can often see what you cannot see when your nose is on the ground.
By giving myself a “do-over” and re-writing my stories, I now can think of the men in my life with gratitude rather than with bitterness, pain and anger. I have changed my vibration to match that which I would like to attract. If you hold the vibration of anger, you will attract angry people. If you hold the vibration of victim, you will attract situations that make you the victim, every time.
What area of your life do you want a do-over? Re-write your story. Make it a fairy tale. One you can look back on and know happened for your highest good. Your problems are not problems, they are blessings in disguise. How else do you think God is going to get you to see your greatness?
Life is a series of problems: Either you are in one now, you’re just coming out of one, or you’re getting ready to go into another one. The reason for this is that God is more interested in your character than your comfort. God is more interested in making your life holy than He is in making your life happy.
~Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life
Wondering where “my man” is now,
“You are destined to fly, but that cocoon has to go!”
The Story of the Butterfly
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole. Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.
So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon. The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body. Neither happened! In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around. It was never able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle was required by the butterfly to get through the opening and was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us. We would not be as strong as we could have been and we would never be able to fly.
At one point in my life, it seemed as if no matter what I was going through, friends and family would constantly say to me, “Well, you know what they say, when one door closes, God opens a window.” I used to think that was such a cliché. When doors in my life closed, they slammed. And on top of that, it seemed that I would be gasping for air before God would even crack a window let alone open one. Maybe it was the lack of oxygen over the years, but now I can truly say I know better.
The painful situations in our lives are blessings. No, they don’t feel like blessings at the time. I admit; they suck! But if you think back on your life, your most valuable and important lessons came through some kind of pain. We all like to be happy, but let’s face it, what do you really learn when you are happy? It is the pain and struggle in our lives that moves us forward and sets us free…every time!
Look at your life right now and instead of avoiding the pain, as we so often do, face it. Take the challenge head on and allow the experience to unfold. Whether it is a loss of a job, a break up, a death, a move (cough, cough), or even simply a physical pain; FEEL IT! I know it sounds crazy but for once let yourself feel the pain. What you find out is that the pain is worse in your head than it is in actuality. Allowing yourself to feel the pain is what sets you free to move to the next phase of your life. Avoiding it doesn’t make it go away; it allows it to grow and become even more painful. Your perception is your reality and when something sits in your head long enough it grows, and grows, and grows. Keep your eyes forward; don’t look back. When you stay here in the present you are never sad or in pain. It is only when we are past-reliving or future-tripping that we feel pain. Take control of where your mind and eyes go. Focus on what you want and what is good. Reflect, detach and then move forward.