When Things Don’t Go As Planned…

July 2013
My grandson Noah

“I just don’t understand why this has happened?” I said in a tearful voice.  “This is the first time in my life that I truly do not know what to do.”

The soft and wise voice on the other end of the phone replied, “Chris, God is so interested in you right now, he has made the circumstances of your life such that all that is left to do is trust him.  This is not between you and your daughter…this is between you and God.”

That was a conversation I recently had with Sue, a women who came to me in a phone call whom I now call “my angel from God.”   Sue is 30 years my senior and 3 years ago found herself facing the same challenge I am today.  A good friend referred her my way and she happened to return my phone call at the exact moment I needed her…when I was at an all time low.

For the last 2 months I have been pretty silent on the writing and speaking front.  I have always said that God gives me my material through my life experiences and lately, he sure has been delivering!  As many of you may already know, my oldest daughter suffers from addiction.  After her second time in rehab in February, her and my grandson moved to Arizona to live with me.  Shortly after the move, my daughter found herself back in rehab…and I found myself alone taking care of a 6 month old full-time.  It has been 2 months now and my daughter will not be home for some time, if ever.  So here I find myself, having found independence and running the business of my dreams and all of a sudden the plans changed.   For the first time in a long time I looked into my future and it did not seem as if it is going to go as I planned.  I planned to be a grandmother…not a mother again.  What about my business?  What do I do when I need to travel?  What about a social life…not to mention dating anyone?

I would love to tell you that when I was faced with the situation of having to raise my grandson alone that I was ecstatic and looking forward to the opportunity…but the truth is, I was angry.  My anger existed on many levels; anger at my daughter for the choices she was making and the messes she left behind that I always seemed to (choose) have to clean up;  anger at losing my independence and now not being able to do what I wanted when I wanted (after all, I raised my kids already 20 years ago…I paid my dues!); and mostly,  I was angry at God…really angry!  What about me?  What about my plan?  Why do I always seem to find myself taking care of other people’s needs and never my own?

The last 2 years have not been a joy ride for me, to say the least.  Three words sum up how I feel I have been treated in the last two years… used, cheated and lied to by the people in my life I called friends, family or significant others.  I have always believed that the people in our lives mirror back to us lessons we need to learn to move forward, and knowing full well that the pain increases each time until we get the lesson, I knew I was near the end due to the extreme amount of pain I have felt in the last 2 months.  So,  I finally asked myself, “What is really going on here?”  “What is the lesson I am to learn?”  “What do I need to let go of to finally heal?”

A friend recently told me that anger is a sign that we have been silent for too long.  Having lived my life always aiming to make everyone else happy, I could relate to keeping silent for too long.  Years of not speaking up if I disagreed with someone; years of allowing others to walk all over me because of a fear of being alone; years of not telling someone how I really felt because I was afraid of what they would think of me and that I would hurt their feelings…never mind my feelings.  I was starting to get it.

Am I healed yet?  Not quite.  Is the anger gone?  Not totally.  But here is what I have learned so far:

  • Your external circumstances do not dictate your happiness.  It is only from a different internal perspective that you find true happiness.  You must first be happy and then your external circumstances will follow.
  • Life does not happen to you…it happens for you.  If you find your life is in turmoil at the moment, know that God is so interested in you that he decided to stir things up in order to wake you up!
  • In any given circumstance, you always have the choice to change your thought.  If the thought you are thinking does not feel good, change it to one that does.
  • The true power of life lies in the unknown.  “Needing to know” is a result of fear.  Uncertainty is one of the only constants we have in life.  Learn to have faith and trust that powers beyond you are working behind the scenes to orchestrate the perfect outcome for everyone involved.
  • Trust God.  This one is easier said than done.  I have never quite understood exactly how  you “let go and let God.”  I guess it is the controlling part of me that has a hard time with it.  But trusting that he has my back and truly believing that he is working miracles in my life as we speak, even though I may not be able to see them yet, gives me hope in times when I feel hopeless.
  • Never give up.  Keep moving forward and take one day at a time.  You cannot live your whole life at once.  Stay in today and do not allow yourself to constantly think of the future or re-live the past.  You only have today and this moment.  Make it a good one…and the one YOU want!

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says, ‘I’ll try again tomorrow.’”

~Mary Anne Radmacher 

Chuggin’ ahead,

Chris

For your FREE copy of Chris Sopa’s 7 Steps to Changing Any Behavior click on the photo below.

Guidebook Chris Sopa with logo

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

In Memory Of…

(In memory of my friend Heath McBriarty)

Oh, for the peace of a perfect trust,
My loving God, in Thee;
Unwavering faith, that never doubts
Thou choosest best for me.
Best, though my plans be all upset;
Best, though the way be rough;
Best, though my earthly store be scant;
in Thee I have enough.
Best, though my health and strength be gone,
Though my weary days be mine.
Shut out from much that others have;
Not my will, Lord, but Thine.
Even though disappointments come
They too are best for me;
To wean me from this changing world,
And lead me nearer to Thee.
Oh, for the peace of a perfect trust
That looks away from all;
That sees Thy hand in everything;
in great events and small.
That hears Thy voice –
A Father’s voice-
Directing for the best;
Oh, for the peace of a perfect trust,
A heart with Thee at rest.

______________________________________________________________________________

It is hard to lose someone you love.  I remember when I lost my Dad.  Even though he had a terminal diagnosis from the beginning of his journey with cancer, it was still a shock to hear the news when he finally passed.  No matter what the circumstances may be, we are just never ready.  No word can console and no deed can bring peace.  That is why we grieve.  Grieving is our human way of releasing the emotions surrounding a loss.  That is why grieving is so important.  In order to move on, we must release and let go.  Not let go of our loved ones memory; but let go of the idea of how we wanted it to be, what we think  should have happened and the feelings of regret, blame and denial that hold us hostage.  Our holding on keeps our deceased loved one in a holding pattern in their new world…waiting to be released to finish their journey.

Some grieve for only a moment…some for a lifetime.  My experience with my father’s death has helped me understand what happens from the perspective of the person who has passed.  As a medium, when I first spoke with my father after he died , he said these words to me:

“Consciousness survives death.  We take our love, thoughts and emotions with us.  When we pass we are welcomed by our angels and guides who escort us to “the other side;”  as we are traveling we are greeted by all of our loved ones who have passed before us and we finally feel as if we are at home.  All of the pain, worry and fear just dissolve into the unconditional love that is felt from all of the people present on this journey.  We are given a life review and are able to see what impact the choices  we made had on our lives and also on the lives of others.  We sometimes chose to pass for reasons not of our own, but to help gently guide those we love to the door of the lessons they have scripted to learn while on Earth.  We finally understand the power of the free will of making choices so we can then use that knowledge on our next journey.  We are then given a choice to return to Earth to continue to learn and evolve to our highest self, or to balance our karma from the other side.  We never really leave…we are just in different form.”

Our loved ones never leave us.  Their soul never dies.  There is no death…simply a change of worlds.  A world we will one day all know and meet with them again.

Love to all of my grieving friends and family,

Chris

Click here to purchase your copy!

 

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

“You Can’t Handle the Truth!”

Until we see what we are, we cannot take steps to become what we should be.” ~Charlotte P. Gilman

Anyone who has coached with me has heard me say over and over again, “We cannot get to where you want to go until we define where you are now.”  Many of us have goals.  We have aspirations of what type of person we would like to become, places we would like to visit, our ideal career, the amount of money we would like to have…you name it, we know for the most part where we want to be in the future.  Now, ask that same person about their present situation; how they like their job, why they have a habit of never keeping their word, why they cheat, or even as simple as how their marriage is and the answer is either a blank stare or a platitude of some sort to avoid the question.

Why is it that we avoid the truth of who we are?  Maybe its embarrassment because down deep we know we can do better or maybe it’s that we fear who we really can be if we just let go of the fear?  Either way, the only way you can move forward in life is to look straight in your own eyes, define the type of person you have allowed yourself to become (good or bad) and make a choice.  A choice to change, a choice to move on and a choice to finally live the life you were born to live.

You know what you are here to do.  Yes, you do.  It is that feeling in the pit of your gut that nags at you all day long.  That feeling that comes directly from the things you dream about that bring you joy.  The feeling that comes when you are doing that “thing” that you can do for hours, non-stop and lose all sense of time.  Stop telling yourself it is impossible, that you “can’t” because you have responsibilities, that you are too old, that you had a bad childhood, that if your parents would have been different you could, that if you weren’t in this relationship you could…STOP!  What do you want to do?  Who do you want to be? Start believing in yourself and do something about it instead of spending endless hours reading and watching others live their dreams.  How many lives do you think you have?  This is not a dress rehearsal.

Shift from Entitlement to Humility; Control to Trust; Attachment to Letting Go; Fear to Faith.

Our Deepest Fear…

is not that we are inadequate,
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?”
Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some of us,
it is in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

~ Marianne Williamson

Honoring the truth,

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

I’m About To Lose Control…And I Think I Like It!!

Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” ~Neale Donald Walsch

Ok…I admit it…I used to be a HUGE control freak!  Those of you who know me are probably saying, “What do you mean USED to be!?” but I have come a long, long way!  My stomach used to literally be in knots (which caused me to acquire a severe condition of chronic ulcerative colitis) trying to predict the outcome of everything…what would happen, what people would think or say, what each minute of my day needed to look like, etc.  I spent every minute of my life trying to plan and control it.  Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

At the age of 32 I literally almost died from trying so hard to control my life.  Ironic, isn’t it, that how God got my attention was through a disease that I couldn’t control?  What better way to learn the lesson of letting go than that!  When I was recovering from my illness, I had to learn who I was again because I had lost myself somewhere in the hustle and bustle of my “controlled” world.  I had to learn to trust the process of life and most of all trust myself…my feelings AND my thinking.  I needed to let go of worry…especially worrying about what others thought of me.  And most of all, I had to learn to forgive myself for my mistakes…past AND future.  I re-defined “mistakes” in my mind to “learning experiences” and a chance for a “do over.”  I stopped beating myself up for past misgivings and re-committed to doing the best I could in the future, making different choices.  I knew I wouldn’t be perfect but I did know that if I was coming from a good place in my heart I would be giving each situation in my life the best and that was all I could ask for.

I now live my life in a way that most people think is “risky.”  Do I take risks?  Sure. (Like moving my entire life 3000 miles across the country!)  But what I have learned is that each new day brings new and beautiful miracles with it.  If I allow myself to “go with the flow” of life; whether it is a day I am super energized and in a good mood or a day I am tired, cranky and feeling sorry for myself (that was yesterday!  Lol!), I find that everything I desire and need falls at my feet.  I stay present and try not to future or past think…I actually try not to think AT ALL!  I trust that no matter what happens, good or bad, it is for a Divine purpose and is ultimately for my highest good.  I let go of the oars of life and let the natural flow of the stream of life take me where it knows I need to be.  And most of all…I BELIEVE that what I desire, no matter what it is, is already here.  I feel it with every bone in my body and live like I already have it.  If we want to manifest in our lives those things we want so desperately, we have to be “vibrating” (which translates to where your attention and thoughts are mostly) on the same level as what we want or it will never come in.  Most of the time we are vibrating to the tune of what we don’t want and then wonder why those things always show up!

Take some time today to let go of the oars of your life.  Allow life to turn the page for you instead of needing to have your hand in it to control it.  Take a breath and focus on only those things you want in your life and watch how life then steers you right toward them…no questions asked.  Every prayer is answered…we are just not in control of how or in what form the answer shows up.  Trust!

“You can’t get to happily ever after without turning the page.”  ~Doug Kirchhofer

Letting life turn my page,

Chris

For more information on Chris Sopa International, Inc. go to www.ChrisSopa.com.

Let Go? Heck NO!!!

We all have experienced times in our lives where we have to “let go” of something or someone.  Whether it is a loved one that has passed away or a job, a habit or even an old wound; letting go is not easy.  Letting go requires courage, faith and believe it or not, love…but not the kind of love you would think.

The love I am referring to here is the kind of love that many of us have the hardest time with…self-love.  In order to love yourself, you have to “let go” of those things in your life that are blocking you from feeling good about yourself.  These things can be thought patterns, behaviors, people, or environments.  You have heard me say before that everything is energy, including you.  Those things that make you feel bad (or are zapping your energy) are things you more than likely need to let go.  The Universe uses your feelings as a “flag system,” so to speak, to let you know if you are on the “right” path.  If you are feeling good about something or someone, keep going…you are on the right path.  If you are not feeling so good or that thing or person is taking a lot of your energy (or as I like to say, you are losing your power to that thing or person), it is time to let go.

Letting go can be challenging because your ego, up to this point, has convinced you that you NEED that person or thing for some reason…especially if it has been around for a long time.  This is where the courage and faith part comes into the picture.  You need to have the courage that something new and better will come along to replace the old and the faith in yourself and a higher power that you will be guided to those exact things you need to feel better and bring you all of the abundance you need.

We chatted a bit about money on Friday of last week.  Please remember one thing…”money is not abundance, love is.  Be the love and the money will come where it is needed.” (Justin Asar)  Just as everything else what you need will come to you effortlessly if you allow it room to do so.  Your emotions sit in what I like to refer to as a vessel.  Your vessel holds all of the emotions you have ever felt in every circumstance in your life…good and bad.  If we do not clean out our vessel every once and a while and “let go” of the old emotions that are weighing us down (such as anger, resentment, frustration, bitterness, etc.) we will have no room for new emotions and experiences to enter.  We will stay stuck in our old feelings and old ways of doing things.

This coming week is centered around spiritual healing and hitting the “control-alt-delete” button of your soul.  Clean house in your emotional vessel and let go of the old, out-dated feelings lingering there that no longer serve you.  See the lesson and take that with you…leave the heavy experience behind…LET IT GO!  Life is about learning lessons.  We are offered experience after experience to give us a chance to learn what we came here to learn.  Learn it and move on…there is more out there to experience.  Allow yourself to take risks and be open to what life has to offer.

Emerald is your crystal this week.  Wear an emerald or keep one by your bedside.  She is the master healing crystal who will help you on your journey of healing and letting go.  If you love dolphins (like I do!) and roses (like I do!), these energies will help with the letting go process as well.  Hang pictures of dolphins around you, wear dolphin jewelry put some freshly cut roses in your house or better yet, buy some for someone you love.

Remember, healing is a spiritual act.  It is love in motion.  Love yourself enough to allow yourself to let go and heal.  You are worth it!

Wearing my dolphin earrings today!

Chris

To learn more about Chris Sopa International, Inc. go to www.ChrisSopa.com.