Ilya Prigogine, a Nobel Prize winning physicist, has a theory called “dissipative structures.”  This theory states that friction is a fundamental property of nature and that nothing grows without it…not a mountain, pearl or person.  Prigogine states that the key to growth is fragility, or the capacity for being “shaken up.”  Now let’s pause for a minute and I want you to ask yourself this question…Has there ever been a time in your life when you have experienced growth where you did not experience some kind of “shaking up?”  If you think hard (don’t hurt yourself) the answer is probably no.

Any structure, whether at the molecular, chemical, physical, social or psychological level, that is insulated from disturbance is also protected from change.  It becomes stagnant.   Anything that is true to life will not be unshakable.“  ~Ilya Prigogine

As our world, our nation and our personal lives experience chaos and turmoil, remember that in order for that thing or person to change they must experience “friction” of one kind or another.  They must be shooken up!  It doesn’t matter if it is the economy, politics, gas prices, gun control or a person…a “shaking up” is necessary for growth to take place.

Allow your life to unfold in the perfection that it is with no judgments of how it should be.  Have no expectations.  Drop your definitions of good and bad, right and wrong, black and white, want and need.  Look into your life and see the beauty of how it unfolds.

I always say that when my life gets “shook up” it is only because the finger of God is coming down to stir my life up a bit.  How do I know?  Because even I can’t screw things up THAT bad!  God’s hand comes in many sizes, shapes and colors.  Sometimes he allows us to make choices that “rock the boat” of our lives so we can fall over board, get back up, take a deep breath and start again.

Shakin’ my booty,



Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live:  How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” by Chris Sopa published by Balboa Press.

Click here to purchase your copy!




Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at Find her at, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

Love Your Enemy

Your enemy reflects back to you everything that you do not like about yourself. He shows you exactly where your fears and insecurities lie. If you listen to what your enemy is saying to you, you will know exactly where you must make corrections in yourself. Only one who opposes you thus can be such an effective teacher.
~Paul Ferrini, “Love Without Conditions


Admit it…we all have someone who makes our blood boil.  Maybe you have more than one.  Mine usually come in the form of ex-romantic significant others.  Did you ever wonder why these people exist in your life?  I don’t mean “on the face of the earth exist” (I know that was where you were going…wishing they had never been born!  Lol!) but why are they showing up in your life in what you perceive to be a difficult form?  Do you think God is just playing a mean trick on you, purposely trying to make your life miserable?  Don’t laugh, some people really do run the victim mentality of “God is out to get me.”  I personally would think God has better things to do, but it is a question that begs to be answered.

Anytime we are faced with someone in our lives who disagrees with us, makes us uncomfortable in some form or simply does something to us we do not like, we are being asked to look deeper.  These situations do not arise simply because “that is life.”  These situations arise because there is a lesson to be learned by both parties.  A lesson, more than likely, that cannot be taught by anyone else but someone who annoys you to the core.

Those who hurt you the most are your greatest teachers.  How can that be?  Ask yourself this question:  How have you learned your most valuable lessons, through pain or joy?  Most people have learned the lessons that stick with them the most through some kind of pain in their life.  The Universe uses pain because it is by far the best way to get our attention.  We do not like to be in pain.  It hurts.  We will do anything to not be in pain…even give up and give in and finally change.  Until the pain of where you are is greater than the fear of changing, you will stay where you are.  Those individuals that you call your “enemies” that have wronged you and hurt you so bad that you use words like hate, can’t stand and despise when their names come up in conversation, are the ones who are teaching you the most about yourself.  They are the mirror to your own soul.  They are reflecting back to you the exact things that are inside of you that need to be seen, released and healed once and for all.

Name anyone in your life right now, enemy or friend, and they are in your life, at this moment, for a reason.  They are here to teach you something you need to learn about yourself.  What feeling comes up when you are with this person?  Where does the feeling show up in your body?  Does it trigger any other past memories from your childhood or past?  Are there any patterns you can identify around how this person makes you feel and how anyone else in your life makes you feel?  Is your pain with these “enemies” in your life always work-related or personal?  It is ultimately your choice if you learn the lesson they were brought to teach you.  If you chose to not learn it, trust me when I tell you, another person and opportunity will come around shortly to teach you the same lesson, only this time the pain will be greater.  The pain will continue to get greater until you learn to let go.

Just because “a teacher” is showing up in the form of someone you do not like does not mean you need to allow them to treat you poorly.  Trust me; I have given many the boot that have crossed a personal boundary for me…sometimes after it has gone too far.  The key is to be very self-aware of your feelings and be vigilant with your personal boundaries.  Nothing is as important as honoring yourself.  Look at the relationship and situation and ask yourself, “What is this person or situation trying to show or teach me?” and then take the steps needed to release your feelings, do what is needed, and move on.

You will always have challenges in your life.  People and situations will challenge you constantly and that is a good thing.  When you are being challenged you are growing and learning and becoming a better human being.  We are spirits having a human experience…let’s show the heavens that we can do it right!

“If you work hard on your job, you make a living.  If you work hard on yourself, you can make a fortune.”
~Jim Rohn

Loving my “teachers” in whatever form they show up,


Purchase your copy of Chris Sopa’s new book, “Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live:  How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” published by Balboa Press. – Kindle Download

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at Find her at, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

Breaking Free!

“You are destined to fly, but that cocoon has to go!”
 ~Nelle Morton

The Story of the Butterfly

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.  One day a small opening appeared.  He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.  Then it stopped, as if it couldn’t go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.  He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.  The butterfly emerged easily but it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it, expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge and expand enough to support the body.  Neither happened!  In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around.  It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle was required by the butterfly to get through the opening and was a way of forcing the fluid from the body into the wings so that it would be ready for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives.  Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.  We would not be as strong as we could have been and we would never be able to fly.


At one point in my life, it seemed as if no matter what I was going through, friends and family would constantly say to me, “Well, you know what they say, when one door closes, God opens a window.”  I used to think that was such a cliché.  When doors in my life closed, they slammed.  And on top of that, it seemed that I would be gasping for air before God would even crack a window let alone open one.  Maybe it was the lack of oxygen over the years, but now I can truly say I know better.

The painful situations in our lives are blessings.  No, they don’t feel like blessings at the time.  I admit; they suck!  But if you think back on your life, your most valuable and important lessons came through some kind of pain.  We all like to be happy, but let’s face it, what do you really learn when you are happy?  It is the pain and struggle in our lives that moves us forward and sets us free…every time!

Look at your life right now and instead of avoiding the pain, as we so often do, face it.  Take the challenge head on and allow the experience to unfold.  Whether it is a loss of a job, a break up, a death, a move (cough, cough), or even simply a physical pain; FEEL IT!  I know it sounds crazy but for once let yourself feel the pain.  What you find out is that the pain is worse in your head than it is in actuality.  Allowing yourself to feel the pain is what sets you free to move to the next phase of your life.  Avoiding it doesn’t make it go away; it allows it to grow and become even more painful.  Your perception is your reality and when something sits in your head long enough it grows, and grows, and grows.  Keep your eyes forward; don’t look back.  When you stay here in the present you are never sad or in pain.  It is only when we are past-reliving or future-tripping that we feel pain.  Take control of where your mind and eyes go.  Focus on what you want and what is good.  Reflect, detach and then move forward.

Painfully Yours,


Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at Find her at, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .

Endings and Beginnings

“I really don’t think life is about the “I could have beens.”  Life is only about the “I tried to do.”  I don’t mind the failure, but I can’t imagine that I’d forgive myself if I didn’t try.” ~Nikki Giovanni, poet

Well I did it.  I am officially a resident of the West coast and can proudly say I live in the Southwest.  The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and to say I am exhausted is an understatement!  From driving for 5 days last week across the country and experiencing the joy of seeing the beauty each town we passed through offered, to spending this entire week settling into my gorgeous house in Scottsdale, I feel like I have run a marathon.

We all hear that change is good and as I always say, change is the only constant we have in our lives.  When something major in our life changes, whether it is a move, a job change, a death, a child going off to school; whatever it is, we tend to find ourselves feeling a bit anxious.  That moment of panic hits you where you want to run back to your old life and the old ways of doing things but down deep you know you can’t…and then when you realize that, the panic gets worse!  But, it subsides, you settle into your new life and things become “normal” again.

The reality we experience is based on the perceptions we hold in our minds and those perceptions are under only one persons control…YOURS!  If we could learn one thing in this lifetime that would change the entire way we live and see our life it would be allowing change into our lives with no fear.  Fear is only what you choose to perceive.  Learning to let the past be the past and allowing the future to naturally unfold instead of trying to control every aspect of it is a gift once learned.  We need to experience endings in order for new beginnings to enter…how else would we move our lives forward?  Our life is about accumulating as many experiences as possible before we reach the end.  We take our consciousness and our feelings with us when we cross, not our bank account or our cars.  Instead of fearing change we need to fear uniformity.  Change means we are growing and our life is moving forward.  Staying the same is safe, yes, but you are not growing, loving, learning and tasting life!!!

Today, allow your life to flow.  Allow things to end whose time has come to end (you know what those things are in your gut) and let go of the path you have “created” and just flow for awhile.  See where life takes you.  Don’t be afraid.  God never leads you astray.

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Allowing for AZ new beginnings,

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