“When a thought hurts, that is the signal that it isn’t true.” ~Byron Katie

Relationships have not always been my strong suite.  Relationships with men, that is.  Every other area of my life is amazing; my girls refer to me as “their best friend,” I have a career I absolutely love that takes me all over the world, I get the privilege in this lifetime to be a part of changing people’s lives for the good, I have plenty of money to meet my needs … I could go on and on.  Did all of this come easy to me?  No.  It took hard work and the willingness to take many risks, not knowing how each risk would turn out.

As I have learned over the years, the Universe has a funny way of putting right in your face the exact situations you need.  Whatever you need is always exactly what you get.  It’s true.  So, what did I get in regards to “relationships?”  The offer to be one of the authors in a book that will be out January of 2013 titled, “Breaking Free:  Overcoming Self-Sabotage,” published by an internationally renowned women’s network.  What did they ask me to write about?  You guessed it … relationships!

We teach what we most need to learn, so I took on the challenge.  For this entire week, I decided that I would focus on writing about different aspects of relationships.  We all have them.  We all have been hurt by them.  We all cherish them.  We all want them, whether we want to admit it or not.  The main advantage to being human is our capacity to love and be loved.  Will you allow love, is the question?  Why wouldn’t you allow it?   Not allowing yourself to forgive.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing. It is something we know we must do to finally let go so we can move on; yet, we hold on to hurt and blame because it somehow gives us a satisfaction we cannot explain.  We scream to our selves inside, “I don’t wanna!” like a child because for some reason we like to sit in the pain of reliving a painful circumstance and holding onto anger over and over again.  The joys of being human!

Remember that how we treat others is merely a reflection of how we treat ourselves. If you have a hard time letting go of mistakes you have made, more than likely you have a hard time letting go of mistakes others have made as well. The only way to really find peace is to let the past be the past. Keep it where it belongs.

In regards to forgiving others, Louise Hay, I think, states it the best:

“We are the ones who suffer when we hold on to past grievances. We give the situations and the people in our past power over us, and the same situations and people keep us mentally enslaved. They continue to control us when we stay stuck in “unforgiveness.” This is why forgiveness work is so important. Forgiveness – letting go of the ones who hurt us – is letting go of our identity as the one who was hurt. It allows us to be set free from the needless cycle of pain, anger, and recrimination that keep us imprisoned in our own suffering. What we forgive is not the act, but the actors – we are forgiving their suffering, confusion, unskillfullness, desperation and their humanity. As we get the feelings out and let them go, we can then move on. Remember that all of the events that take place in our lives and all of the individuals we encounter teach us valuable lessons.”

Forgiveness is a soul choice and centers in your heart. It is not a logical, mental process.  It has nothing to do with whether or not you choose to have that person stay in your life or not. You can forgive someone and choose to not have them in your life anymore or choose to have them stay … it is up to you.  Every choice you make must be for your own peace.  Never sacrifice your inner peace for someone else.  Forgiveness is an act of self-love and healing.  The reason for forgiving someone is not so much because you feel they deserve to be forgiven, but because you love yourself enough to not want to suffer anymore when you think about the person or the event. We learn to suffer just to punish whoever abused us and, in the end, we are the only ones who are hurt.

Never forget that each of us is on our own journey. We choose to play roles for each other to give each other an opportunity to learn the life lessons we came here to learn. Thank the people who have hurt you for playing their roles so well. If it wasn’t for those who have hurt us the most, we would not be the people we are today.

Start with forgiving yourself for anything you feel you have or haven’t done in the past in regards to relationships.  Do what I do.  Look in the mirror and kiss your own hand and say over and over again, “Its ok.  No worries.  You are so wonderful!”  Ok, so maybe that only works for me, but regardless, give yourself a break today.  Stop waiting for the other person to forgive you.  There is nothing outside of you that can give you what you are looking for.  The answers and peace you seek are one place and one place only … inside of YOU!

“Once we have forgiven ourselves for something, it is easier to forgive others for the same mistake.”   ~Marianne Williamson

I wanna, I wanna!

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

“The Trial By Existence”
By Robert Frost

And from a cliff-top is proclaimed
The gathering of the souls for birth,
The trial by existence named,
The obscuration upon earth…

And the more loitering are turned
To view once more the sacrifice
Of those who for some good discerned
Will gladly give up paradise…

And none are taken but who will,
Having first heard the life read out
That opens earthward, good and ill,
Beyond the shadow of a doubt…

Nor is there wanting in the press
Some spirit to stand simply forth,
Heroic in its nakedness,
Against the uttermost of earth…

But always God speaks at the end:
“One thought in agony of strife
The bravest would have by for friend,
The memory that he chose the life;
But the pure fate to which you go
Admits no memory of choice,
Or the woe were not earthly woe
To which you gave the assenting voice.”

And so the choice must be again,
But the last choice is still the same;
And the awe passes wonder then,
And a hush falls for all acclaim.

And God has taken a flower of gold
And broken it, and used there from
The mystic link to find and hold
Spirit to matter till death come.

“Tis of the essence of life here,
Though we choose greatly, still to lack
The lasting memory at all clear,
That life has for us on the wrack
Nothing but what we somehow chose;
Thus are we wholly stripped of pride
In the pain that has but one close,
Bearing it crushed and mystified.

Robert Frost is one of my favorite poets and this poem in particular is my all-time favorite.  It hangs in my kitchen to remind me of my Sacred Contract.

We have been talking all week about forgiveness and ultimately, forgiveness comes about because of the consequences of choices that are made.  Excuse me for getting what some of you may call “woo-woo” for a minute, but I have been strongly guided to share this with you this morning.

As human beings, we were given by God the gift of free-will.  We were given the opportunity to make our own choices, good or bad.  With that gift came the responsibility of being held responsible and accountable for the choices that you make. (This is the whole idea around us creating our own heaven and hell).  In order to learn the lessons you scripted to learn in this lifetime, you scripted certain scenarios in order to give you the opportunity to learn those lessons.  If you wanted to learn forgiveness in this lifetime, you need to have something to forgive so you may have scripted with one of your soul mates (a person who you have been with in many lifetimes) to betray you so you had the opportunity to learn that lesson.  Where choice comes in is if you choose to embrace the opportunity to learn that lesson.  If not, trust me, you scripted yet another scenario to come around to give you a chance to learn it.  Why?  Because it is a CONTRACT!  You contracted to learn that this lifetime.  Each time an opportunity comes around and you choose to NOT learn the lesson, the next time it comes around it will be more intense and yes, more painful.  Why?  To get your attention.  Remember the band-aid analogy early in the week?  You need to feel a big OUCH in order to become aware there is a lesson there to learn.

The hardest part about this whole process is watching people you love go through their lives constantly avoiding their lessons and watching them go through pain.  We are only responsible for OUR OWN lessons and life; no one else’s.  Sometimes the best thing to do for someone else is to let them hit bottom and fall, and then be there to help them pick up the pieces.  Be their “net” as they walk the tight rope of life, as my friend Sara puts it; the one to be there to catch them when they fall and help them pick up the pieces.  Forgive them if forgiveness is in order but remember, forgiveness means you release the hold the event had on you energetically.  It does not mean what the person did to you was ok nor does it mean you have to allow them in your life.  That is always your choice.

For today and the weekend, take note of scenarios in your life that seem to be happening over and over again.  Whether it is money issues, attracting the same type of mate over and over again, losing a job time and time again; whatever it may be but LOOK at your life, take responsibility for your role in it and then ask yourself these questions about your choices going forward:

What are the consequences of this choice I am making?

Will this choice bring fulfillment and happiness to me and also to those who are affected by this choice?
Then you can move forward with a clear conscious to know you did the best you could at the moment, regardless of the results or what other people may think.  Ultimately, this is a one man show.  YOU are the one who is the star and YOU are the one that scripts the ending.  Make it a show worth watching…and living.

Making choices one day at a time,

Chris

For more information on Chris Sopa International, Inc. go to www.ChrisSopa.com.

“You presume poison is bad…that such things have no purpose.  Many “bad plants” contain incredible properties for healing or are necessary for some of the most magnificent wonders when combined with something else.  Humans have a great capacity for declaring something good or evil, without truly knowing.” ~”The Shack” by William P. Young

Pain hurts.  No doubt about it.  Whether it is physical pain or emotional pain, it is still the same.  Pain, as with all things, has a purpose.  Imagine you cut your hand and it hurt.  The “hurt” is saying to you, “Hey, pay attention to me!  I need healed!”  So, we grab a band-aid and Neosporin, tape ourselves up, and trust that our physical body knows what to do to heal our cut.

Now let’s make things interesting…you are in a relationship with someone and they cheat on you.  Emotional OUCH!  What do you do?  What is this pain trying to tell us?

One amazing tid-bit I learned from Caroline Myss, who is one of my absolute favorites (If you haven’t read “Sacred Contracts” or “Anatomy of the Spirit” they are a MUST!), is that we have 2 ways we can look at things in life:  Literally (from a ground-view, 3D perspective) or symbolically (the 10,000 foot above the situation view).  If you look at the cheating from a 3D perspective you only see an individual who made a choice that was hurtful to you, disrespected you, and lied to you.  From a symbolic perspective you “rise above” the situation and ask, “What is the Universe trying to teach me here?  What could possibly be the lesson?”  Maybe you have been a bit too trusting with romantic individuals in the past, maybe your partner has some unresolved self-esteem issues of their own, or maybe the “affair” was divine intervention because the relationship just wasn’t of the highest order for you and it was God’s way of “lending you a helping hand” to end it.

One thing I have learned, as hard as it may be, is that those individuals who cause us the most pain in our lives are our greatest teachers.  Their 3D selves may suck on the surface due to the choices they are making, but their higher selves (that spirit part of them who is perfection) scripted to help you learn this lesson.  If you want to learn forgiveness, my friends, you need to have something to forgive.  Who better to do that than someone who loves you so much they are willing to play the role of “villain” for you in this lifetime to give you a chance to learn that lesson.  Whether you embrace the opportunity given to you by the situation is up to you…it is always up to you how you look at something.  Is it good?  Is it bad?  Will I be bitter or will I make myself better and stronger because of this?  Until you learn the lesson you scripted to learn, you will continue to attract people and situations that are the same, giving you yet again another opportunity to learn the lesson.  The rub is, the way
the Universe gets your attention is that the pain of the situation increases every time.  How else will your attention be gotten…the “OUCH!…I need a band-aid and healed” attention!

Until the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing, you will stay the same.

Just as you trust your physical body to heal the cut on your hand, trust the Divine to heal you and know what is best for your life.

People move in and out of our lives because the roles they play for us come to a finale.  Once their roles are over, they exit the stage.  If someone leaves your life, whether you are ready for them to or not, let them go.  Their role in your “play” is over.  It does not mean they may not play another part in your play later, it just means their work is done.  Our relationships are sacred opportunities to see the Divine in others.  A sacred opportunity to FORGIVE!

So back to the cheating…is that a “bad” thing?  It is up to you…it is ALWAYS up to you!

God doesn’t give you the people you want; he gives you the people you NEED…to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be.  ?

Choosing to See It All As Good,
Chris

If you haven’t noticed, this past week we just completed was a doozy!  Taking action and honoring ourselves is not an easy task sometimes…especially when those around you react to the actions and choices of the “new you” in not so positive of a manner.  (If our new choices affect their world, they usually don’t like it!)  The main energy that moved through this past week was the energy of Divine action.  When an energy such as this moves through, it causes manifestations we have been waiting for but with a consequence…that consequence being the breakdown of old relationships or patterns that no longer serve us.  Remember that in order for the new to enter, the old must exit.  Sometimes the old does not give into exiting so easily…especially if we are holding on to our old patterns for dear life.  The more we hold on to the old, the more the old will continue to manifest and grow in our lives (like it or not) and the new has no space to enter.
In perfect succession, the energies that are coming through this week are the energies of the crystal Dioptase – the stone of forgiveness.  Dioptase is a beautiful green stone, almost like an emerald, and is the most powerful stone in regards to a forgiving and open heart.

Forgiveness is a tricky thing and not as easy as it sounds.  As humans, we have a tendency to hold onto pain and old hurts, thinking that it is serving us somehow to play the “victim” role.  Holding onto thoughts such as these creates patterns to run in our lives that constantly attract to us situations and people who will act the same way with us…giving us an opportunity time and time again to learn what we need to learn to release the pattern that is driving our so-called “victimhood.”  We confuse forgiving someone with saying what they did to us was ok.

“When you forgive someone, you are not condoning their actions, but you are releasing yourself from perpetuating the energetic pattern that has caused you pain.” ~Naisha Ahsian

Today, think of those who have hurt you or caused you pain and ask yourself, “What would I do in this moment if this person or situation no longer had power over me?”  Try that attitude on for size, just for today…see what actions or thoughts arise.  You might not be there yet, and that is ok.  Each step we take brings us closer to our higher self.  It’s not the steps that count, but how you take them.

Stay tuned this week for more on forgiveness of others and yourself, how to heal emotional pain, the role relationships play in our lives and living from a place of non-judgment with others.

Have a fascinating Monday!

Walking the path,
Chris