A child’s point of view is magical. We have all heard the term “childish innocence.” I hear this term, and I think of the movie “Under the Tuscan Sun.”
Catherine, one of the main characters who is an out of work actress, says over and over again that the man who “discovered her” told her that the secret to life was never to lose your childish innocence. In the first six years of life, children function mainly from their subconscious mind. The subconscious mind is a mysterious place. It is a place of creation where magic can truly occur. The reality a child creates in this part of the mind becomes their reality. It is their world of imaginary friends, fairies, daydreams, and endless possibilities. When in this phase of development, children assume that others can see, hear, and feel exactly what they do. Jean Piaget, a Swiss psychologist, referred to this as egocentrism. Egocentrism refers to an inability to understand that your point of view may be different from someone else’s. A child believes that everyone believes what they do…why wouldn’t they?
Around the age of seven, our conscious mind begins to develop and becomes a filter, so to speak. We slowly realize that our external environment may be more real than our internal one (a sad day!). We begin to become influenced by what other people say, do, and think about our actions (or inactions). It makes logical sense that at this point, egocentrism should disappear. We begin to realize that other people have their own opinions and outlooks just like we do, so one would think that we would begin to understand that our viewpoint is not the only one out there. For most people, this is the case.
Egocentrism can be a good thing. For example, part of egocentrism is the belief that if you very much want something to happen and it does, that you caused it to be so. It is a belief that you can create your world without any interference from outside forces. Although this actually is true, according to quantum physics (see future blog post on vibrational alignment), the part of egocentrism I want to touch on here is the inability to see another person’s point of view.
Our world is changing. Every major system in our world (political, education, economic, etc.) is shifting at its core. When systems that involve many people are not working, sometimes the only way to shift those systems is for them to break down completely to be rebuilt. When those of us involved with the systems do not make this shift, an outside force most certainly will eventually do it for us. That is what we see now with COVID-19. Many of us knew this was coming. Our planet is shifting, which means the people and systems on it must also shift to survive.
Change is not the most favorite thing for most people. They resist it with whatever means they can. Change is uncomfortable, and when things change, usually US changing is what follows. Change takes work. It is easier for most to fight against the change than to go with the change and shift with it (maybe not the easiest route, but definitely the shortest!). This is where egocentrism comes in…
When we believe that our way is the “right” and “only” way and refuse to take anyone else’s viewpoints or opinions under consideration, that resistance causes a rift in the shift. It is like a train going 100 miles per hour and then slamming on the breaks, gaining speed again, only to slam on the breaks another time. The poor train will take forever to get where it is going …not to mention the wear and tear on the train! There are a lot of opinions flying around out there at the moment. I personally have never witnessed our society being so extreme on both ends of the spectrum on so many topics in my lifetime.
What I want to leave you with is this…everyone’s opinions matter. We all have a right to our opinions. But when we take those opinions, believe they are “right” and “above” anyone else’s, vocally and physically attack others who do not share the same opinion and cause other people harm because we want to force our ways and opinions on others, so they are all “like we are” so we don’t have to change…that causes a problem. This creates a fear-based society, a lot of emotion, and a ripple effect of fear-based behaviors that take a momentous event to stop it. The adult in me wants to scream, GROW UP! Stop acting like that egocentric child that only can see things from their own viewpoint. At least a child has an excuse because the part of the brain needed to do this is not yet developed…adults do not have that excuse.
How do we get rid of our own egocentric attitudes? Open your mind by taking a moment to consider where someone else may be coming from. Try to understand them and look at the situation through their lens. A lens of a healthcare worker who witnesses first-hand the pain and anguish COVID-19 is causing has a much different lens than someone who sits in their house all day, only watching accounts of it on the news. If you do not understand someone else’s lens, ask. COMMUNICATE! At least try to understand. Be honest about your own behaviors and aware enough to understand how what you say and do affects others.
Our thoughts and actions, big and small, affect everyone we come in contact with in our lives. Pretend each person you meet is someone you deeply care about and wish only the best for in life. Let that attitude drive your actions and words. After all, sticks and stones may break our bones, and names do indeed hurt us…whether we admit it or not.
Non-egocentrically,
Dr. Chris
By Dr. Chris Sopa, stay connected by visiting Chrissopa.com, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn. Feature photo from Canva Free Photo.
How to Cope from Dr. ChrisHi everyone. With everything that we are going through lately, I felt compelled to share my perspective. I hope that the words in this message will help you get through these trying times and hopefully give you a perspective that will make you feel better and motivate you to be who you are meant to be during these times.
In light of the struggles many individuals and corporations are facing during this time, I am offering my assessment, coaching, virtual workshops, and consulting services at no cost until April 30, 2020. If you need someone to brainstorm ideas and solutions with, feel free to engage me by clicking the Contact Chris button below, and I will offer my expertise as needed. We need to support each other during these times and use our strengths for the greater good. Let’s be in this together!
Thank you, and be safe!
Dr. Chris
Feature photo from Unsplash.
Your 7 Impossible ThingsThis is taken from Chapter 3 ~ Overcoming Limiting Beliefs from “Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life” by Chris Sopa, published by Balboa Press. Click here to purchase your copy!
“One great way to see where your fears lie is to bring them up in your mind for a brief moment in time so you can shed some light on them.
A wonderful exercise I have my coaching clients do is to list seven things in your life you want so bad but are scared to death will never happen: Your Seven Impossible Things.” Why seven? Because seven is a very sacred number and there is a certain power in having to force yourself to think of more than just three or five things. You have to go deeper into your mind and deeper into your fears.
The key to the exercise is to list the seven things you want and then walk through all of the reasons why you think it wont happenwhat you fear will get in the way of it happening. Then, in a column next to it, list all of the reasons how it could happen.
When you take the time to really think through and put on paper your fears and then possible solutions to those fears, the fears lose their power. The fears turn simply into obstacles that can be easily overcome with a plan and a little faith. You then are also focusing on what you want to have happen instead of all of the reasons why it cannot happen, using the power of your thoughts to manifest exactly what you need.
Having a plan, is one of the ways to overcome fear; another way is to understand and know that Divine is there to help you on your journey. You are never alone.”
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.
Faith or Fear?There I was, sitting at my kitchen table in the new house my husband and I had just bought. It was 2003. I had a stack of bills in front of me that always seemed to be higher than the amount that was in our checking account needed to pay them. I had just come through a life-threatening illness and was finally asymptomatic.
I recently had returned to my corporate job after four months of being on short-term disability. I knew it was a mistake but the bills had to get paid. After all, I had a responsibility to my family to take care of them. The problem was, no one was taking care of meincluding myself.
I sat there staring at the pile of bills and a question hit me: Which one can I do more without, money or my health? It was then that it hit me. If I continued down the same path that made me sick, I would surely end up sick again. Nothing changes if nothing changes. I had to make a change in order to keep my health. Money means nothing unless you are healthy and feel good to enjoy the benefits having money brings. Who wants to travel when they are sick? Who can enjoy their beautiful house if they are working all of the time and then when they are home, they are in bed because they are so exhausted?
It was then that I made a choice. I chose to leave my corporate job and start my own business where I had the flexibility to choose how to spend my time as well as how much money I deserved to make. I chose faith over fear. There were a lot of unknowns in front of me. Would I be successful? What exactly would I do? Would I make enough money? What if I didnt? I decided I could not afford to be afraid and took the leap. My life depended on it.
Now, almost 10 years later, I can tell you a few things that I learned about choosing to make my decision on faith instead of in fear.
Finally, every single day take time out to do at least one activity that nurtures you and your soul. Do something that brings you joy even if it is only for 10 minutes. If you find that fear creeps up on you again, realize that the only thing that changes from one moment to the next is the thought you are holding in your mind. Change your thought, do something kind for yourself or someone else and watch with open eyes what the world looks like when you see it through the lens of faith.
Trust meit is a beauty! 😉
Love you,
Chris
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.
Now on the Best Seller list at Balboa Press, “Choosing the Life You Were Born to Live: How Changing Your Thoughts Will Change Your Life.”
As we must plant a seed before we reap a harvest, so we must believe before our prayers can be answered.” ~Ernest Holmes, The Science of Mind“
Do you ever feel as if the line Lions and Tigers and Bears, OH MY!” from the Wizard of Oz is your life this month? There are many things happening all around us; people who are acting out of sorts, places that just do not feel the same and situations that seem to no longer fit in our lives. This is all part of the processthe process of ascension. What is ascension? Ascension is simply the process of moving your soul, your inner self, to a new level of awareness. It is happening to all of us as we speak. 2012 is not about the end of the world; 2012 if about a new way – a new consciousness. One of which we work together, we honor ourselves and our brothers and sisters, one where there is no judgment, no deceit, no lies; one where we all finally realize the true meaning of unconditional love.
August finds us all facing many realities in our lives. With two full moons, the last one being tomorrow, August 31st, we are asked to look once and for all at our lives and clean house.” Have you noticed the turmoil this month? Have you noticed the constant bombardment of chaos, drama and upset? Although you may perceive these things as bad” because they do not feel so great, they are blessings for you. They are coming up to show you, as they have time and time again, what you need to balance, release and work on in your life. Are there people in your life that just cause constant drama, that do not make you feel your best? Are you in situations or a job that causes you undue stress? Are you tired of not having enough money and wonder why no matter what you do money slips through your fingers and you just never have enough?
As we move through these times, we need to remember two things to cope:
1. Your feelings are the physical manifestation of guidance Your feelings are the language of the universe. You have them for a reason – and that reason is not to make you feel miserable. If you have been feeling down this month and ready to throw in the towel (trust me, I have been there all month as well!), try to look at what is happening from a different perspective. The situations that are causing you stress and bringing up these not so good” feelings are there to show you what needs to change in your life. The feelings are the answers to your prayers. They are the things showing you what you need to do to change for the better. The challenge is having the courage to do what you already know needs to be done. Is it pulling away from certain people in your life? Is it ending a relationship? Is it changing jobs? Is it finally kicking an addictive habit? And my all time favorite; is it changing how you think about who you are so you can finally live into the Divinity which is your birthright?
Try unconditionally loving yourself for once-its not so easy. You are your worst critic. If you spoke to and treated your friends the way your treat yourself, how many friends would you have? Thats what I thought
2. Know what you need to do to keep your center Do you know what things you like to do that make you feel good? When you are stressed beyond belief, what are some things that relieve your stress (good, healthy things wine does not count!)? We all need to know how to cope when things just dont seem to be going our way. I spent 4 years on the Board of Education and one of the areas I saw in our youth and that I see in adults in my Coaching practice that is the cause of most illnesses is the lack of coping skills. How do you cope? Crawling in bed and throwing the covers over your head is not coping.
Honest moment for the last two days I have been depressed beyond belief. My trip out east to visit my old life” was disappointing to say the least. Nothing out east had really changedbut I have changedfor the better. Any endings bring sadness and when we allow sadness in for too long its best friend is usually fear. I had every fear in history come up for me the last two days; fear of not having enough money, fear of my future, fear of success, fear for my children who are both starting new chapters in their lives, fear of being alone for the rest of my life, fear of not making it to where I want to go in my business, fear of what others were thinking of meblah, blah, blah. I had to re-group and cope. How did I do that? I pulled back, took a walk, listened to music, read passages in books that inspire me, re-read my bucket list and surrounded myself with friends who inspire me and lift me up and I shut everything else out. I took care of me. Did I snap out of it? For the most partbut remember that your life is about the journey, not the end point. We signed up for it all; sadness and joy because that is the beauty of being human.
Why not make your Oh my” feel good for once! 😉
This is a kind Universe and everyone and everything in it is working in your favor. There are no tests, blocks or obstacles in your way, except your own projections of fear into your future.” ~Doreen Virtue
I like my ruby red slippers! Click, click!
Chris
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.
Do You Know Where You Are?
You cannot get to where you want to go until you know where you are starting from.
If I got in my car and wanted to drive to Destination B” I would need to know two things; where do I want to end up and where am I starting from. I cannot get in my car and say, Hey, lets drive to Boston” and get there if I do not know where I am starting my journey. How would I know whether I need to drive, fly or take a boat? How would I know if there were going to be any detours along the way? How would I know how long it would take to get there?
Many people can tell you at least vaguely at least one goal they would like to achieve in their lives. Many set these goals and never achieve them. Why? They have failed to do two things: clearly define exactly what it is they want and clearly define where they are starting from. If I have a goal to be a New York Times bestselling author (which I do!), the first thing you might say I need to do to start on that goal would be to write a book (duh!), but you need to start even more basic than that. I would need to look at my writing skills first and where I may need to brush up to make them better. I need to do my research and study other authors who have made it to the New York Times list and see what they have done. And most importantly, I would need to take a look deep within myself and define why do I want this goal? If it is so important to me, why havent I achieved it yet? (And you are not allowed to blame others for the answer to that one leave the victim mentality at the door!) The only reason you have not achieved what you want in life is because of one personYOU! Yes, there are outside circumstances that need to be in alignment for a dream to manifest, but have you been present to notice the opportunities when they arrive? Have you given up” in your head by procrastinating and making excuses not to do what you need to do? Is F.E.A.R. stopping you? Is low self-esteem getting in your way do you feel unworthy” of that level of success?
Sit down with a pen and paper and answer the following questions twice. In the first round, answer the question after thinking about it for a minute…using your conscious part of your brain. In the second round, answer each question with the very first thing that comes to your minduse your intuition. (This exercise works best if you answer the first set of questions, take a small break, then come back and answer the second set of questions.)
Do you see any patterns in the answers? If so, there is your first clue as to where you may need to do some work on yourself. When my coaching clients do this exercise, it always points to those places that are blocking them from living the life they want to livethese things are blocking them from achieving their goals.
Take one of the patterns you see, lets say it is a fear of failure, and question your thinking? Write down the answers to these questions. What are you afraid of exactly? Can you be absolutely certain that thought is true? How do you feel when you think that thought? Who would you be, how would you feel and what would you do without that thought? Now create a different thought that makes you feel good (a thought in alignment with what you want) and whenever you catch yourself thinking the old thought, clear, cancel, delete and say the new thought to yourself. Re-frame your thinking!
Thoughts are a choice my friends. If a thought isnt making you feel good, change it. Every thought leads to a feeling and every feeling leads to an action/behavior. If you want to change your behaviors you have to change your thoughtsthat simple.
Dont separate life from living. Your life lies underneath your life situation at the moment. You ARE living it! This IS your life! It is perfect just the way it is. If you dont have something in your life right now that you want, all that means is you probably dont really need it right now. If you needed it, it would be here. The Universe is a kind place and there is a Divine order in everything that occurs. Trust it! Make life the best one you canthis is not a dress rehearsal. 😉
God is the lead dancer and the soul is the partner
completely attuned to the rhythm and patterns set by the partner. She does not lead, but neither does she hang limp like a sack of potatoes.”
~Thomas Merton quoted in Listening to the Music of the Spirit by David Lonsdale
Hang in there,
Chris
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.
How Green is Your Internal Environment?Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us“. ~Stephen Covey
When I was 7 years old my friend Tracie and I decided to play barber shop” in my garage. Tracie had long blonde hair down to her hips of which her mother doted and was very proud. As we took turns sitting in the barber chair pretending to cut each others hair, I had a brilliant ideawhat if I really cut Tracies hair; her mother loved it and then used me to cut Tracies hair from now on! (Give me a break, I was 7 years old!) So, I ran in the house, got a pair of scissors and cut away. I mean CUT awaywhen I was done Tracies hair was shorter than Liza Minnellis on a bad hair day!
Needless to say, her mother hated it, screamed at me and I was scarred for life! This one incident led me to develop a complex for being an extreme perfectionist on top of being terrified of displeasing somebody for fear they would yell at me. Whenever we have a heart wrenching experience, it sets up our conditioning in a way that (if we allow) changes our behaviors when a similar experience occurs in the future. I obviously did not go into Cosmetology after that experience, but I did allow other people and events from then on to affect my choices. Due to the fear of being yelled at, not liked and shamed for not being perfect,” I began to make my life choices based on what I thought other people expected of me. Whats funny about this habit is that how do you ever really know what someone else is thinking and what they expect of you? You dont!
Don Miguel Ruiz has a wonderful little book entitled, The Four Agreements.” The four agreements are simply:
The hardest one of these agreements, in my opinion, is not taking things personally. When you can finally realize that we each interpret an experience based on our own conditioning and perspective, then we can finally understand that it is ok to make decisions without external input. What we choose in the moment of the experience is ok, regardless of if anyone else agrees.
We hear constantly about greening the environment; adding solar panels on your house to all natural materials to make every item in your house is the green way to do things. I say we all green our internal environment. Take an inventory of the toxic items and garbage in that brain of yours, get rid of the hazards and create your internal environment to be one that is protected from external toxins; mainly, what other people think. Why do you value what someone else thinks so much over your own thoughts? What makes their thoughts better than yours? Just because their external environment looks green, does not mean they are internally green. Ask any coachwe hear and see it all day long! We are all great actors.
Refuse to let anyone talk you out of your own feelings.
Refuse to be reduced to someone elses opinion of you.
And know in this moment and every moment going forward that you are worthy of being loved unconditionallyno matter what the external environment is telling you.
Unconditionally green,
Chris
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+
Follow the Leader?
Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” ~Muriel Strode, writer
A client of mine told me recently that she and her daughter went to see the new movie about Katy Perry and to her surprise, found it very inspiring. I asked her what made it inspiring and she went on to tell me how when Katy Perry was found,” many folks in the industry were trying to make her into a duplicate of one of the other already popular stars, such as Britney Spears and Avril Lavigne. Katy insisted on not being a second of somebody else” but a first” Katy Perry. As we all know, Katy Perry is a very good Katy Perry! She was not afraid to be unique and most importantly, not afraid to be herself.
We all find ourselves throughout our lives in situations where we have to make a very important choice and the first thing we usually do is to seek the advice and counsel of others whom we trust. We ask everyone what they think, how they feel and what they would do, often ignoring our own internal compass. As we are growing up, other peoples opinions very much form how we see ourselves. It is just human nature. One day we finally realize that the view we have of ourselves and sometimes the entire life we are living was formed completely based on what other people thought we should do and we are nowhere to be found.
Doing what we feel is right free of outside influences is not as easy as it sounds. We often get caught up in wanting to know ahead of time if the decision is the right one. Somehow we think if others say it is so, then it must be true, not trusting our own feelings. I like to call this an easy out because then if what we are pursuing doesnt work out, guess what, it wasnt our fault. It was their fault because they were the ones who told us to do it in the first place, right? The hardest thing about making choices is the big R” wordResponsibility. Once we make a choice, we must take responsibility for that choice.
Some rules of thumb for good” choice-making:
Keep moving forward and lead your own parade. Before you know it, others may be following YOU!
As long as one keeps searching, the answers come.”
~Joan Baez, singer, songwriter and peace activist
Being my true self in the Scottsdale Starbucks,
Chris
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Endings and BeginningsI really dont think life is about the I could have beens.” Life is only about the I tried to do.” I dont mind the failure, but I cant imagine that Id forgive myself if I didnt try.” ~Nikki Giovanni, poet
Well I did it. I am officially a resident of the West coast and can proudly say I live in the Southwest. The last two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions and to say I am exhausted is an understatement! From driving for 5 days last week across the country and experiencing the joy of seeing the beauty each town we passed through offered, to spending this entire week settling into my gorgeous house in Scottsdale, I feel like I have run a marathon.
We all hear that change is good and as I always say, change is the only constant we have in our lives. When something major in our life changes, whether it is a move, a job change, a death, a child going off to school; whatever it is, we tend to find ourselves feeling a bit anxious. That moment of panic hits you where you want to run back to your old life and the old ways of doing things but down deep you know you cantand then when you realize that, the panic gets worse! But, it subsides, you settle into your new life and things become normal” again.
The reality we experience is based on the perceptions we hold in our minds and those perceptions are under only one persons controlYOURS! If we could learn one thing in this lifetime that would change the entire way we live and see our life it would be allowing change into our lives with no fear. Fear is only what you choose to perceive. Learning to let the past be the past and allowing the future to naturally unfold instead of trying to control every aspect of it is a gift once learned. We need to experience endings in order for new beginnings to enterhow else would we move our lives forward? Our life is about accumulating as many experiences as possible before we reach the end. We take our consciousness and our feelings with us when we cross, not our bank account or our cars. Instead of fearing change we need to fear uniformity. Change means we are growing and our life is moving forward. Staying the same is safe, yes, but you are not growing, loving, learning and tasting life!!!
Today, allow your life to flow. Allow things to end whose time has come to end (you know what those things are in your gut) and let go of the path you have created” and just flow for awhile. See where life takes you. Dont be afraid. God never leads you astray.
The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experiences.” ~Eleanor Roosevelt
Allowing for AZ new beginnings,
Chris
For more information on Chris Sopa International, Inc. go to www.ChrisSopa.com.
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