Time Does Not Always Need to Be Filled

Humans tend to have an insatiable need to fill things that are empty. We do it without even realizing it. If our refrigerator is empty, we go to the store to fill it with food.

If we are having a conversation, we fill every inch of the conversation with words to avoid silence. We spend endless hours working to fill our bank account. We fill our need to fit in by having our faces constantly buried in our technology, checking social media. It is a never-ending, unconscious cycle.

Did you ever ask yourself why you feel the need to do all these things? I have. Especially recently. Everything I read, whether I am on Facebook, Instagram, or my email, is telling me how I “should” be filling my time and how I “should” be handling the current situation. (I personally have made it a habit not to “should” on anyone… especially myself.) When we get caught up in the should’s, what we truly want becomes so unclear. We start to compare what we are doing to what everyone else is doing. I will tell you a secret right now…you will never be like someone else. Ever. The only person who you can be best is YOU. The question is…who have you been pretending to be?

A glimpse into my head is scary, but I am going to give you one anyway. The recording in my brain first thing in the morning goes something like this…

I really want to sleep a little later since I don’t have any meetings scheduled this morning…but I have to get up and get some work done. (As I step on the scale…) I hate that my gym is closed! I really need to start working out more at home, or at least walking, before the number on this scale gets any larger. What the heck is wrong with my hair? It looks like someone dropped silver tinsel on my head! I have so many gray hairs! I really should pick up some hair color…but going to the store right now is such a pain in the ass! I’m not going to see anyone today, so I probably don’t need to put on any makeup. But man, the bags under my eyes! I probably should put something on my face in case I see that cute neighbor of mine when I go get the mail later…etc.

Are you getting the picture? Now, I have been doing self-development work for the last 30 years. My self-awareness is at the point where I cannot get away with letting the thoughts above go on for more than a minute or two before I intervene and shift my thinking. If I let these thoughts continue all day, by 9:00 am I would need a Xanax with my coffee. These should’s keep us in a constant loop of focusing on what we think is wrong. All of that conditioning we have accumulated over the years of how we should look, what we should do, how we should think, has made us…well…quite frankly, crazy obsessed with filling our time doing the “right” thing. In all the current madness, we are getting a lot of advice on how to fill our time.

Just for a day, I want you to try something. Try what I call “the George Costanza Method.” For those who are not Seinfeld fans, there is an episode where George does the opposite of everything he would normally do in a day, and he ends up having an amazingly successful day! Do the opposite of what you would typically do, even if it feels uncomfortable. Allow there to be silence while you are spending time with someone, resisting the urge to fill every moment with words. Allow yourself to do what you are being drawn to do, even if that is nothing. If you want to sleep a little longer, sleep a little longer. If you want to spend the day in your pajamas, do it. Resist the urge to fill your time with something that someone else is suggesting you do. Do what you want to do, even if it is just for a day.

Our urge to fill time is a natural instinct. It comes from a fear of lack. A fear of missing out. A fear of someone else doing or having something you do not. Instead of fearing, just live. Breathe. Enjoy your moments. If the time we are going through is teaching us anything, it is that those moments are not guaranteed.

Now, it is time for me to drink some wine and eat some chocolate.

Dr. Chris

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Lose Balance=Lose Power

No matter how far you have gone wrong, you can always turn around.

Balance is a myth. Yes, you heard me correctly. It is a mythat least a myth in the way you think of balance. Most believe balance is an even 50/50 split of work and home life. Last time I checked, there were many other things that made up a persons life besides home and work; social activities, spirituality, physical and mental health, etc. If you are doing one thing and thinking you should be doing another thingthat is a sure sign you are out of balance.”

There are many reasons why we lose balance in our lives. Too much on our plates, doing what others think we should do rather than what we want to do, letting negative thoughts about the what ifs” take you overbut the number one reason we lose balance is because we have lost power to something or someone. Losing power equates to a loss in feeling good. When you feel any one of a number of bad” feelings, somewhere you have lost power. Power can be lost to a person, a thing, a place, or a thought. The good news is that once you are aware that you have lost power you can call it back by regaining the balance in your life.

How do you regain balance? If that isnt the golden question, I dont know what is! Balance comes back into alignment when you identify what is important in your life at this moment (your priorities) and you spend your time and energy doing those things. We lose balance when we are spending our time on things that we do not feel are important to us at the momentnecessary maybe, but not important.” Let me define important” here; important equates to a thing or a person you feel is worthy of your time that when you give your energy to, it makes you feel fulfilled and satisfied inside.

What is important to you today may not be as important to you in a month. Things and people change. You change. Change is the only constant we have in life. Get used to it. Every month revisit the priorities in your life and not only make sure they are the same, but assess your behaviors and make sure they are a match to those priorities.

What are your top priorities right now? Not your to do” listput that away. I want to see your backbone here, not your wishbone! What makes your heart skip a beat when you think about it? What area of your life is in the most turmoil right now? Where in your life do you often get confused and feel as if you never make the right decision? These answers are a clue to the direction in which the Universe is pointing you. Use your feelings as a guide. Where are your feelings guiding you? What feels good when you do it? What thoughts consume your attention all day long?

Take some time to write down your top three priorities and then create balance in your life by aligning your actions to those priorities. When your feelings drop, realize you lost power and call it back by doing something that will make you feel good again.

Know today that you deserve to have a balanced life. It is ok to have and experience good things. There is no need to feel guilty because you have something someone else does not. We are all on our own journeys. We walk the same road but we are all on different mile markers. Some are ahead and some are behind. Those ahead are not better” and those behind are not slower.” We are at the exact mile marker we should be. When you get lost on the road of life, pull over (rest), look at your map (your priorities), turn around if you need to (set different priorities) and get back on the road (re-engage in life - take action).

Rememberwe are all walking on the same road. Make it a good road trip.” 😉

Once you become aware of something that is limiting you, you then have the power to change it.

Calling back my power,


Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and .