“The next time that a piece of your life breaks off and falls away, try to remember that what is Real cannot be lost, and then give thanks that what is false must always prove itself so.” ~Rev. Angela Peregoff

Illusion #1:  It is better for me to live with a presently known problem than it is to face a future filled with unknown possibilities. 

Illusion #2:  I am useless and insignificant in life.

Illusion #3:  What others think of me is more important than what I think of myself.

Illusion #4:  It is possible to succeed in life without having to learn through mistakes and failures.

Illusion #5:  By reliving past, painful moments I will somehow be able to resolve them.

Illusion #6:  In order to succeed, I must stay with what I know is possible so as not to suffer disappointment.

Illusion #7:  I must be like everyone else (the “tribe”) in order to survive, fit in and be accepted.

Illusion #8:  I only believe what I can see and can prove exists.

Illusion #9:  If I do not remember it, it must not have happened.

Illusion #10:  What I think, say and do does not matter.

Maybe, one day, you will wake up and know that even your very thoughts matter; that events that you do not remember consciously, such as being born, choosing your parents and choosing the lessons you wanted to learn in this lifetime, actually did happen; that the most “real” things in this life cannot be touched, smelled, seen or tasted but are felt with the heart and soul; that your uniqueness, your un-likeness of everyone else around you, is the exact reason why you are here; that unless you venture into the unknown, the “impossible,” you will never know what you are capable of; that your mind does not know the difference between what is real and what is not real – it believes what is real is where you put your attention, so reliving past events makes them feel real again; that what you call mistakes and failures are the very moments for which you came to this Earth – they are the lessons in your “school”; that the only person who you should be seeking out acceptance from is yourself; that just being alive means you are significant – God wastes nothing and has a grand purpose for everything; and that your true power, the beauty of life and miracles, lie in those unknown moments.

Now that would be a hell of a day… 😉

“Life is not what you see, but what you’ve projected.  It’s not what you’ve felt, but what you’ve decided.  It’s not what you’ve experienced, but how you’ve remembered it.  It’s not what you’ve forged, but what you’ve allowed.  It’s not who’s appeared, but who you’ve summoned.  And it’s not where you’ve been, but where you are going.”

~Notes from “the Universe”

Onward to ascension,

Chris
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

* This blog is dedicated to my daughter and anyone who suffers from an addiction, as well as the loved ones that are standing by watching, loving and encouraging them to wholeness again.**

The 12 steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, that are to be practiced as a way of life for those suffering from addiction. The idea is to help expel the obsessive behavior (drinking, drugs, or any addiction) so the person can feel and become happy and whole again. These principles are so powerful they can be used to overcome not only addiction, but limiting beliefs and harmful thoughts and behaviors in the non-addict as well.

Reference:  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (1981), Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc.

Step #2:  Come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

“There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”
~Albert Einstein

As most of you who are regular readers know, I am working my way through the 12 steps in honor of my daughter who is a recovering addict. In order to better understand her and the process, I decided to do the 12 steps myself and as I did, write a blog about my experience with each one.

Step #2, to me, is all about believing in miracles. We all have had moments in our lives where we are faced with something so big or so terrible that we have no choice but to surrender. Surrender to whom? Surrender to that power that you know exists but cannot define, see or touch. We all feel that power. We all know there is something that exists that is greater than we are. Some call that power God; others may call it the Universe. All that matters is that you feel that something else is with you watching out for you…willing to take on what you feel you cannot do yourself.

My lesson during this step was not so much believing in my higher Power, but trusting my higher Power. I have had enough spiritual experiences in my lifetime that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we are not alone in this journey through life. My struggle exists with feeling worthy enough that my Power knows I exist. It sounds kind of silly when I say it out loud to myself, now that I think about it…but true none-the-less. Letting go and letting God was never something that I really could understand. We recovering control freaks think we can control and handle anything that comes our way…usually a side effect of having to deal with a lot of life situations on our own. Once I was able to realize that I really do not have control and stopped fighting it, I began to see more clearly and really feel that Power in my life. I, for the first time, felt as if God had my back. When I looked back at my life challenges, I realized I was never alone to begin with…he was there the whole time. I am reminded of the poem “Footprints,” which is a perfect metaphor for Step #2. It is through our most challenging times that God does not leave us…he carries us. Michael, a facilitator in one of the Nar-Anon meetings I attend has us say a prayer at the end of every meeting. It is very simple yet powerful: “Your will God, not mine. Your time God, not mine.” I slowly came to realize that it is not about MY will, it is about God’s will for me and my life. And let me tell you, when you finally realize that, it is a huge relief!

It does not matter if your beliefs match mine. What matters is that you know your own beliefs and they need to work for you. They must be yours. It does not matter what anyone else in your world believes…only what you believe. Your beliefs are the blueprint from which you live your life and make your choices.

I will share with you several questions I pondered and answered as I worked through this step:

• What higher Power do I believe in?
• Do I trust my higher Power? If not, why not?
• Do I feel worthy of help from my higher Power?
• Do I have an open mind? Am I willing to change my beliefs if my current ones are not working for me?
• If my higher Power “has my back,” why do I sometimes not get what I pray for?
• Do I believe that my higher Power believes in me?
• Am I able to receive?
• What is my bottom? Do I have to hit bottom in order to have faith in my higher Power?

Your relationship with your higher Power starts and ends with your relationship with yourself. God is in you, works through you and IS you. He is expressing himself through you.

Ernest Holmes, the author of The Science of Mind, says the following about treatment and your own personal role in it which I think is a perfect summation for Step #2:

Treatment is not willing things to happen; it is to provide within ourselves an avenue through which they may happen. Treatment opens up avenues of thought, expands the consciousness, and lets reality through; it clarifies the mentality, removes doubt and fear, in the realization of the presence of Spirit (your higher Power), and is necessary while we are confronted by obstructions or obstacles. We already live in a Perfect Universe, but it needs to be seen mentally before it can become a part of our experience. Every problem is primarily mental, and the answer to all problems will be found in Spiritual realization…(your own personal relationship with your higher Power).

God-Speed,
Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

My name is Chris and I am a “fixer.”

I am attracted to people who have problems and think that if I only make them happy, do something different, change myself or sacrifice my time or resources they will change and be happy.  Somewhere in my life I felt as if it was my responsibility to make others happy and worse yet, if they were not happy, it was my fault.

Can anyone out there relate to that?

I think many of you can…especially the women out there.  Not that men cannot be fixers, but women have a natural tendency to nurture and make people feel better therefore this role of “fixer” tends to stick more with the female gender.

Here is what I have learned (and trust me, I have a lot more learning to do in this area):

• Wanting to fix others is a symptom that there is something within us that needs to be fixed.  It may not necessarily be the same problem, but we tend to seek to fix someone else when we are avoiding fixing ourselves.  Projection at its best!
• No one needs fixing.  I know some of you may be thinking that statement is crazy.  There are people in our world who are doing some crazy things!  As humans, we have a tendency to want things to run smooth, feel good all of the time and not change.  It is the “crazy” that makes us pay attention to what needs to be balanced and changed…not only with us personally, but with the world.
• It is never your responsibility to make someone else happy, it is theirs.  Yes, things we do for others may temporarily make them feel better but happiness comes from within.  It is a state of being that manifests from a sense of peace within.  No one can give you that but you.
• Problems are a blessing in disguise, whether they are ours or someone else’s.  They are the very thing that helps us grow and become the people we are meant to be.  Problems push us to our limits, ever so painfully, to help us see what we can become and what is possible.
• We are only responsible to live our own life.  I don’t know about you, but my life has enough challenges of its own.  When we try to make other people’s problems ours by trying to fix the problem for them, we are meddling in something that is not our business.  We are living their life and ours.  How do we know that the very problem they are now having isn’t one they may need to experience to learn the biggest lesson of their lives…when they solve it themselves.  We cannot take away other peoples lessons.  That is exactly what we do when we fix a problem for them.

So, what to do?  How do you overcome the urge to fix?  Be aware of the fact that the urge to fix is an urge to control something that is out of your control.  You cannot control other people’s behaviors or decisions.  The only things under your control are the decisions you make for yourself, your behaviors and your attitudes.  Your behaviors and who you choose to be is always the greatest teacher for those around you.  People listen more with their eyes than their ears.  They watch you.  It is our nature.  Monkey see, monkey do…remember?

A recovering fixer,

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

**  This blog is dedicated to my daughter and anyone who suffers from an addiction, as well as the loved ones that are standing by watching, loving and encouraging them to wholeness again.**

The 12 steps are a group of principles, spiritual in nature, that are to be practiced as a way of life for those suffering from addiction.  The idea is to help expel the obsessive behavior (drinking, drugs, or any addiction) so the person can feel and become happy and whole again.  These principles are so powerful they can be used to overcome not only addiction, but limiting beliefs and harmful thoughts and behaviors in the non-addict as well.

Reference:  Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions (1981), Alcoholics Anonymous World Service, Inc.

Step #1:  We admit we are powerless and our lives have become unmanageable.

Complete and utter defeat…or as I like to call it…surrender.  No one likes to admit they are wrong, let alone suffer the humiliation that often accompanies the admission.  The truth is, it is only by admitting that something outside of ourselves took our power that we are then able to be free.  As the Bible says, “the truth will set you free.”

We all allow something in our lives to take our power…money, people, places, thoughts, drugs, alcohol.  You know what it is for you.  It is that one thing that almost immediately makes you feel less than what you are.  When we feel powerless, we tend to make choices that follow suit…choices that render us powerless.

I often do an exercise when I am working with corporate groups that help individuals identify their personality tendencies.  I call them tendencies because I believe that once we are aware of something, it can be changed.  We may lean towards one behavior or another, but we always have the power to make a different choice… one that serves us rather than harms us. This exercise is called The Behavior Matrix.  Individuals identify themselves as a Controller, Supporter, Analyzer or Promoter.  Each category has a characteristic associated with it that is a characteristic the person who identifies with that category tends to have a hard time exhibiting in their daily behaviors…especially in relationships.  The one that always stands out to me (maybe because I fall into that category) is the Controller category.  Controllers find themselves needing to show more humility in relationships.  Controllers also tend to want to control situations and people around them due to fear.  Mostly fear of not being in control and knowing the outcome.  I remember when I first heard the word humility when I did this exercise; I needed someone to give me an example or definition of it.  I was a bit disconnected from my own reality then.  In order to allow yourself to feel humbled by something, you must also have an underlying hope that once the admission takes place, something better will take its place.

When my father died 6 years ago, I struggled with hope.  I not only couldn’t define it for myself, I felt void of it…hopeless.  This paired with the lack of humility was a devastating combination.  I already felt hopeless and was mad at God, so what good was trying to understand it all…let alone admit that maybe what the issue was my relationship with God.

Everything comes back to our relationship with God.  What we call our struggles and challenges are simply God’s way of bringing us back to him.  How else does a relationship strengthen other than through challenges that test its very nature?

Hitting bottom is a common phrase we hear in the addiction circles.  One must “hit bottom” before they are ready to admit defeat and humbly enough admit to be powerless to that which brought them to their knees. What I have learned beautifully from my daughter and from countless others in the field, is that “bottom” is different for everyone. For one it may be losing everything they hold sacred in their life and for another it may be a scare with the law.  Our bottom depends on the lessons we each have to learn in this lifetime.

We have different experiences because we have different lessons.  No one person experiences the same thing the same way.  We bring to each experience our past, conditioning, strengths and challenges.  Our future is made up of our present choices.

Admitting you are powerless and have lost control and manageability of your life allows the doors for opportunity to open.  This admission cracks a window in your castle so the winds of change can enter.  When your computer freezes and becomes powerless due to a glitch, you shut it down and reboot it.  Trust me when I tell you that we all need “rebooting” at least once in our lives (some of us several times).  Thank God for control-alt-delete!

Where do you lose your power?  Regardless of whether or not you call yourself an addict, spend some time identifying the thoughts, people, things or places that render you powerless.  In what areas has your life become unmanageable?  The first step to recovery and balance is awareness.  Awareness allows for a pause in the sands of time so you can then have the time to make a different choice.

The choice is always up to you…

Aware, awake and humble,

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.

 “I have absolutely no pleasure in the stimulants in which I sometimes so madly indulge. It has not been in the pursuit of pleasure that I have periled life and reputation and reason. It has been the desperate attempt to escape from torturing memories, from a sense of insupportable loneliness and a dread of some strange impending doom.” 

? Edgar Allan Poe

It has been awhile since everyone has heard from me.  Some still have not heard from me.  I thank those who have respected that silence lovingly.  My silence is not due to writers block, nor is it due to just having nothing to say.  I always tell my friends that God gives me my writing and speaking material through life experiences…I recently had to inform him I had enough material.

The last two months have been a journey for me.  A journey I would not wish on any parent.  If you read my blog regularly, you are aware that I am of the firm belief that pain is how God gets our attention and the greatest lessons we have yet to learn come to our attention through pain.  Pain usually comes around the corner when you think you’ve “got this” and are exactly where you should be with your lessons.  God always has a different plan.

For the last 4 years, I have had the challenge of having a daughter who is addicted to heroin and crack cocaine (I write about this with her permission).  This is the first time I have written about it…actually, the first time I have had the courage to write about it.  In those 4 years I have learned a lot, mostly through pain.  We have had our ups and downs, as those of you who are loved ones of addicts know all too well.  In January I was blessed with my grandson, who is a beautiful soul and was born an addict.  He made it through his time well but his mother did not.  My daughter, after spending 28 days in rehab in December returned for another 20 days in March.  She is now 36 days clean and we are taking it day by day.

The way I tackle the challenges in my life is through educating myself as much as I can on the challenge I am having.  Until recently, I have been in denial and unable to bring myself to even read anything about addiction.  What I am learning is quite amazing.

You do not have to be addicted to a chemical or alcohol to be an addict.  We are all addicts to some extent, based on my observations.  My addiction?  Perfection.  I have believed, up until recently, that if I were not perfect I was not deserving of love…therefore, I was addicted to any behavior that would help me attain perfection; control, over-working, obsessing over little things, worrying, etc.  Of course, none of these behaviors guarantees perfection, but our ego tells us otherwise.

What is your addiction?  Control?  Sex?  Drama?  The best way to deal with an addiction is to first become aware that you have a problem, are powerless because of it and admit that your life is unmanageable because of it (Step 1 of the 12 steps to recovery).  I am not sure which is harder…being the one with the addiction or being the loved one watching the addiction unfold.  What I am seeing is way too many beautiful souls suffering with addiction.  Something needs to be done.

In honor of all of those who are dealing with an addiction, either as an addict or as a loved one, the next 12 “Journey Back to Self” blogs will be covering addiction and the 12 steps…with the Chris Sopa spin on them, of course.  My hope is that someone will read these blogs who needs help, needs to be understood, needs information or just needs to know that they are not alone.

We are all in this together…let’s tackle this once and for all.

**Reverend Angela Peregoff on why we have limitations and challenges:

“Embracing it is seeing the value in it, being awed by it, extracting the gold from it, and knowing that your limiting belief and the experiences it leads you to are so central to who you are and how you’re evolving that you wouldn’t give it up for anything.”

~Rev. Angela Peregoff

Hugs,

Chris

Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn.