If I got in my car and wanted to drive to “Destination B” I would need to know two things; where do I want to end up and where am I starting from. I cannot get in my car and say, “Hey, let’s drive to Boston” and get there if I do not know where I am starting my journey. How would I know whether I need to drive, fly or take a boat? How would I know if there were going to be any detours along the way? How would I know how long it would take to get there?
Many people can tell you at least vaguely at least one goal they would like to achieve in their lives. Many set these goals and never achieve them. Why? They have failed to do two things: clearly define exactly what it is they want and clearly define where they are starting from. If I have a goal to be a New York Times bestselling author (which I do!), the first thing you might say I need to do to start on that goal would be to write a book (duh!), but you need to start even more basic than that. I would need to look at my writing skills first and where I may need to brush up to make them better. I need to do my research and study other authors who have made it to the New York Times list and see what they have done. And most importantly, I would need to take a look deep within myself and define why do I want this goal? If it is so important to me, why haven’t I achieved it yet? (And you are not allowed to blame others for the answer to that one – leave the victim mentality at the door!) The only reason you have not achieved what you want in life is because of one person…YOU! Yes, there are outside circumstances that need to be in alignment for a dream to manifest, but have you been present to notice the opportunities when they arrive? Have you “given up” in your head by procrastinating and making excuses not to do what you need to do? Is F.E.A.R. stopping you? Is low self-esteem getting in your way – do you feel “unworthy” of that level of success?
Sit down with a pen and paper and answer the following questions twice. In the first round, answer the question after thinking about it for a minute…using your conscious part of your brain. In the second round, answer each question with the very first thing that comes to your mind…use your intuition. (This exercise works best if you answer the first set of questions, take a small break, then come back and answer the second set of questions.)
- What do you most need right now?
- What do you most want right now?
- What is your deepest fear?
- What is your biggest dream?
- What do you need to be happy?
- What is your greatest strength?
- What is your biggest obstacle?
- In what area are you your own worst enemy?
- What is the most satisfying part of your life?
- What is missing in your life?
- Where would you like to see the most change in the next year?
- What is your life purpose?
Do you see any patterns in the answers? If so, there is your first clue as to where you may need to do some work on yourself. When my coaching clients do this exercise, it always points to those places that are blocking them from living the life they want to live…these things are blocking them from achieving their goals.
Take one of the patterns you see, let’s say it is a fear of failure, and question your thinking? Write down the answers to these questions. What are you afraid of exactly? Can you be absolutely certain that thought is true? How do you feel when you think that thought? Who would you be, how would you feel and what would you do without that thought? Now create a different thought that makes you feel good (a thought in alignment with what you want) and whenever you catch yourself thinking the old thought, clear, cancel, delete and say the new thought to yourself. Re-frame your thinking!
Thoughts are a choice my friends. If a thought isn’t making you feel good, change it. Every thought leads to a feeling and every feeling leads to an action/behavior. If you want to change your behaviors you have to change your thoughts…that simple.
Don’t separate life from living. Your life lies underneath your life situation at the moment. You ARE living it! This IS your life! It is perfect just the way it is. If you don’t have something in your life right now that you want, all that means is you probably don’t really need it right now. If you needed it, it would be here. The Universe is a kind place and there is a Divine order in everything that occurs. Trust it! Make life the best one you can…this is not a dress rehearsal. 😉
“God is the lead dancer and the soul is the partner
completely attuned to the rhythm and patterns set by the partner. She does not lead, but neither does she hang limp like a sack of potatoes.”
~Thomas Merton quoted in Listening to the Music of the Spirit by David Lonsdale
Hang in there,
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.