“I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. I love you not only for what you have made of yourself, but for what you are making of me. I love you for the part of me that you bring out.” ~Elizabeth Barrett Browning
In order to do some “research,” I thought it may be fun to find out what men and women think we each should know about each other in order to have fulfilling and fun relationships.
Here is the first list for all of you men out there. It is as true as I could make it based on conversations and experiences I have had myself and those of friends and colleagues. It is all meant to be positive and for moving relationships forward (and I decided to have a little fun with it as well!). Our goal is to have long-lasting and fulfilling relationships and once and for all get rid of the BS!
- Hold the door for us – even independent women like that.
- We are smart. Let us know you know that by how you talk to us.
- If you smell like the Abercrombie store, no matter what you look like, we will look twice.
- We like to cuddle – and not just after sex.
- If you cry while you watch “The Notebook” we will melt in your arms.
- Scratchy lace, strings that go up our butt and bras that squish our boobs, although may be attractive to you, do not make us feel sexy.
- We like to hear the sweet sound of our name.
- Shave your back, or for more points, wax it.
- Spitting, burping and farting in front of us is not a turn on.
- Hold our hand like you mean it – we like that.
- Don’t assume we know you love us. Tell us AND show us.
- We love to be pleasantly surprised.
- Fresh flowers earn you sex points.
- Contrary to popular belief, we like sex. Especially when it involves a mutually orgasmic encounter.
- If you start a sentence with “Dude,” we may be confused and not respond.
- Pretending you are Mario Andretti when you drive, leaves us feeling a little nauseous and not in the mood for sex.
- When you honk your horn and yell out your car window at us, think about how you would feel if someone did that to your mother or sister.
- “Size doesn’t matter” is a myth. (A big heart goes a long way!)
- Grabbing one of our breasts when we are upset does not make it all ok. It puts one of your most precious body parts in danger!
- We want and like to be woo-ed and romanced. (If you are not sure how to do this, see my next book coming out soon or the book below!)
- Foreplay is not out rated. Kissing, nuzzling and soft loving words will lead us to the bedroom more often than not.
- Sex after marriage is still a reality if you treat us like you did when we were dating and give us time to miss you in between.
- How you treat and talk about your Mom and ex’s is a clue to us as to how you may treat us in the future.
- We like to be called by our first name, not our last.
- We love to see you smile. Don’t hold back!
- We like to be kissed (and please no tongue on the first date!)
- We cannot read your mind and we know you cannot read ours – most of us are not Sylvia Browne – the more you tell us about what you are thinking and feeling, the more we know what you need.
- We don’t want you to fix our problem; we just want to be listened to.
- Seeing our man do the dishes is sexy (especially if you are wearing only an apron!)
- A text response of “Ok” or “Thanks” to a serious statement is not a response.
- If you are nervous on a date, the best thing to do is take a breath and ask us a question.
- Getting drunk or high is a turn off.
- We are all looking for the fairy tale ending (“Cinderella,” “Officer and a Gentleman” and the end of “Sixteen Candles” are my personal favorites!).
- Take care of yourself physically. The only odor we should smell is that of flowers (see #13) or something like cologne (see #3).
- We like to see bumps – muscle bumps not sugar lumps!
- We all have some issues with anger. If you really want to keep us around, “Anger Management 101” is recommended.
- We like to have intelligent conversations.
- Make us laugh when we are upset and you will have our heart.
- Most women are looking for a “soul mate,” not a “sex mate.” If you know we are not the one for you, let us know and move on nicely.
- We love it when you are nice to our kids and treat them like you would your own.
- Have a hobby and interests beyond us. It’s ok to go out with the guys.
- Be sweet to us and treat us like a princess.
- Patience is a virtue.
- Find something to compliment us on every day (we love it when you notice the small details -new haircut, earrings, etc.)
- Pay attention – when you are with us, be with us. Step away from the remote and mouse!
- Care about how you look even when we are just watching a movie (Exception: Old t-shirts and wife beaters are ok when you are painting or doing a manly task ONLY!)
- For God sakes, pick up a towel and wipe down the bathroom sink just once! (Lol!)
- According to the Dali Lama (who I know is a man); kindness is the number one attribute people are searching for in a relationship. So true!
- We will love you with all of our hearts because that is just who we are. All of the little things make the biggest difference – a soft caress, an expected gift, a touch of your hand, a kind word. Never stop trying to court us.
- Men lead with their bodies and women lead with their hearts. The key to good sex is connecting with the heart and not so much with other things (although connecting those things aren’t bad either!)
Men, you now have an assignment. After you read this, I need to come up with a list for the women to read. Send your comments and suggestions for the list to email@example.com with “list” in the subject line or comment to this blog. Send them to me by Wednesday, August 8th by 5:00pm EST and I will post them in my blog on Thursday, August 9th as well as include them in my up-coming book on relationships.
“If the Buddha Dated,” by Charlotte Kasl
“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone & still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable & safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room & smile at you.”
Honoring and loving all of the men of my past, present and future,
Chris Sopa is founder and owner of Chris Sopa International, Inc. You can learn more about her at www.ChrisSopa.com. Find her at Facebook.com/ChrisSopaInternational, Twitter @ChrisSopa, LinkedIn, and Google+.